Recently I sat on a panel for International Women's Day. Below is the question and my response. Does this resonate with you?

Comment and let me know.

Panel Question”: A study from the 80's looked at how bright 5th graders handled an assignment that was too challenging for them. Girls were more likely to give up, boys more likely to redouble their efforts. Boys taught to be brave, girls taught to be perfect. Women are more likely to underestimate their capabilities, and that might lead to being more risk adverse, more adverse to embracing change, and less likely to think outside the box. It should be noted that these are abilities that can challenge folks of any gender identity. How do these abilities play into your careers, and your experience as a leader? Have you had to work on addressing them, or do any of these qualities come naturally? What do you recommend for those struggling?”      

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“First of all, if you don’t have these skills, you probably have some other amazing qualities already. These are not the only qualities indicative of a strong leader or someone with potential. 

Additionally, there is actually some benefit to being risk adverse especially when it comes to decision making. Of course, it’s important to learn how to take calculated risks when they make sense.

These traits - creative thinking and risk taking - are something you can cultivate. You are not whatever traits people have told you that you are or that you have decided that you are.

We need to be careful about how we talk to and label ourselves.

Next time you label yourself someway, whether it’s good or bad, ask yourself, why do you believe that? 

Is that true?

If you’re not sure find a friend or mentor to help you get a second opinion.

Because I’ve labeled myself “not creative” in the past and when I finally told someone about it, they pointed out all these things I had done that they thought were so creative. I was completely blind to my ability to think creatively because I had decided I wasn’t creative.

So glad I asked.

When it comes to embracing change, that is something come more easily to me but that’s also probably because I was forced into change early on in my career. I graduated into a recession and got rejected from at least 30 jobs in 3 months. I needed to escape a toxic, abusive relationship so I ended up escaping to work on cruise ships as an aerial acrobat.

I couldn’t have planned that forced opportunity to embrace change if I tried.

So, if you haven’t had the opportunity or intentional focus to develop these traits in the workplace, that’s ok.

It’s not too late.

But there is also important social complexity at play and some external factors we need to address.

Because when it comes to taking risks or being transparent about creative ideas because the unique challenges women face can make it scary to adopt bold traits.

Women in the workplace face a unique leadership challenge that force us onto a tightrope.

When we talk about feminism in the context of work, we are usually talking about what we can do to enable women to elevate and lead.

Whether intentional or not, there is often an expectation that strong female leaders will adopt more typically masculine traits in the workplace, such as boldness and risk-taking. History and the patriarchy would suggest that these qualities are the right ones that lead to success in a professional setting.

First, I want to point out that these are not the only traits that make a great leader. Empathy, curiosity, compassion, listening are beautiful leadership qualities.

Second, the cruel irony that many women will face is that even if they take on these more typically “masculine” qualities like risk taking and bold thinking, there’s often a social cost.

Because if you are an ambitious woman and you aim high, you’re likely to be perceived as difficult to work with, not a team player, too emotional, etc.

#teamdifficult

Unfortunately, there is real data to support this claim. Here is some of the data:

"A study conducted by Bain & Co. found that 43% of women aimed for top management positions within their first two years at a new job, but only 16% continued to strive for these C-suite roles thereafter, citing a loss of confidence, increased stress and burnout, which lead to them abandoning senior roles."

"According to another study by Kieran Snyder , CEO, ambitious, high-achieving men and women were described vastly differently thousands of performance reviews. Women’s reviews  were more likely to include critical feedback (87.9% of women versus 58.9% of men), and men’s constructive suggestions tended to be focused on additional skills to develop, whereas women’s tended to include phrases such as “watch your tone or emotions,” or “step back and let others shine”.

I’ve experienced all this feedback myself.

Especially when there is no thoughtful feedback to give, past managers of mine have pointed to a time when I was too passionate or too aggressive or "not a team player".

So, in summary, women may be afraid (and rightfully so) to be too bold in the workplace because there is potential social cost which is that we will be perceived negatively. At the same time traditionally masculine traits like boldness, are leadership qualities that are valued in the workplace and that we usually need to elevate.

Ergo, the tightrope.

So now that I've bummed you out, what’s a woman+ to do?

If you’re struggling to develop these traits. Here are my thoughts:

Give yourself grace - We are often scared to show these traits because there is a REAL (not just perceived) social cost in many cases if we do.

Remember that skills and traits can be learned - Pick one that you want to develop and make it a practice. For example, practice out of the box thinking by challenging yourself to come to always come up with a 3rd solution. There are usually 2 options…but is there a 3rd? Even if it doesn't make sense, it's a good thought experiment.

Know that the work isn’t done - We all have biases. Women have biases towards each other, men have biases towards women. If we had more time, I would love to move this conversation in the direction of intersectionality which adds another whole layer of complexity.

Know that if you develop these skills - if you start to act more boldly and take more chances and risks - some of them aren’t going to work out. 

 

Some people aren’t going to like you.

 

But I think you’ll love yourself for trying.

 

And every time a woman stands up for herself and does something bold, that is one small step for all of us.

Let’s go blaze some trails even if they don’t take us exactly where we want to go.