“If you want something doing ask a busy person” is a common phrase and a very common approach for most managers and leaders. 

Why?

Because people know that the ‘busy’ top performers will get done what needs to get done, but at what cost?

I’ve spoken a lot about my burnout in 2013, the fact that I hadn’t factored stress or my workload or ‘always on’ lifestyle as a factor to my mental or physical health, and over the years, despite running a successful business and having a busy life filled with my partner and family, kids, a dog, personal training and a LOT of yoga, I’ve slowed down a lot, but I could slow down more. I’ve learned since 2013 the importance of a healthy mind, and how to help others create the same.

After a week away last week delivering workshops to help clients drive change for themselves and their people, I was looking forward to a nice relaxing weekend. So at 4pm when my partner called to say he needed to go straight to the hospital (and that’s where he stayed until late on Saturday), the relaxing weekend went out of the window, as did sleep, any sense of calm and any relaxing - for us both.

I won’t go into the details of his condition, he’s being looked after, he’s resting and we’re waiting on test results, he’ll be fine (we hope) and we are looking at the changes we can make in order for us both to slow down and focus on what’s important in life - each other and our family.

Over the past few weeks I’ve been seeing the signs that he’s been stressed, I’ve been noticing changes to his mood and his outlook, his ability or lack of to focus on the important things in life, and the fact he started being busier than normal. I tried to talk to him about it to be faced with “I’m fine”, but I could see he wasn’t.

Sadly, nobody else saw the signs, and if they did, they ignored them.

You see my other half is a top performer, but more than that he’s a people pleaser. He wants to do everything he can to help other people. He leaves the house at 4:30 each morning to be first on site and is often the last one on the phone at the end of the day whilst people ask for help and advice, call to offload after their tough day or just ring him for a chat.

His family always reach out if they need help with anything, knowing he’ll help them fix it, knowing he’ll always be there and knowing he’s always got a solution or a listening ear.

His friends always call for help, advice, to talk about themselves and what’s going on for them and he never, ever ignores calls.

Our sons, the four of them, rely on him for lifts, help, advice, money, IT stuff, online payments for online games, homework, haircuts, football, worries and concerns and he never ever says no.

And colleagues are in contact with him via Whattsapp, email, text, phone and messenger to share news, ask for updates, get help have a moan, find a solution, run something past him or just to talk about their day - and he never says he’s too busy or asks to call them back.

And, on top of all of this, he puts up with my ups and downs, my always on, my constant ideas and solutions and life plans and manic thoughts.

I saw the signs, others saw a problem solver, a fixer, someone who will always get stuff done, someone who never says no, someone who is always there and someone who, no matter what, will always get the job done.

Someone who, now needs to rest and recover - but who is finding it hard because he’s used to be busy. Someone who says he’s fine, when he’s not. Someone who is still on the phone to anyone who wants to talk, and the endless phone calls he’s had asking how he is - which is lovely and thoughtful and kind, but very call comes with a question for him on how to fix things.

So who’s looking after your top performers? 

Would you notice the signs of them being close to crashing and burning?

Are you putting too much pressure on the people that do because of how many people you have who don’t, and are you giving too much to the busy people when you should be sharing the load?

Sadly, I know my partner isn’t the only one experiencing this, too many people are, and too many people stay quiet. And they stay quiet because they want to do a good job, because they don’t always know how close they are to burning and they don’t want to show weakness or failure or let anyone down.

Sadly, we don’t always acknowledge or have the ability to recognise when we’re on our way down or that we need to make changes before it’s too late.

My ask, is that if someone is trying to talk to you about the signs, listen. And if you are seeing the signs in someone you know, talk to them. And keep talking to them, or helping them, or reducing their workload until they are ‘back to normal’. 

As employers or clients, look after your top performers whilst they are still performing, before it’s too late and whilst changes can still be made.

As individuals if you don’t prioritise yourself, and it does become too late for you to wind back the clock, your employer or your clients will just replace you, your loved ones can’t. 

If you'd like to be more proactive in your approach to wellbeing for your people, talk to The Chrysalis Crew about our Wellbeing workshops and Wellbeing strategies.

Kelly 

Kelly is Founder of The Chrysalis Crew and a Global Empowerment Coach for Leaders and HR Professionals. She leads the crew with an open heart, an open mind and has the courage to challenge the status quo and do things differently so that we can change the world of work.