Lunch was over and I slowly made my way to the next session when Brittney stopped me. She said, “Phil, we haven’t had the pleasure of meeting yet and I know we don’t have much time now. But I want you to know how much I appreciate how you write and share yourself online. You come across as incredibly authentic and real. Thank you and please don’t change a thing.”

As someone who runs events for some of the top social media marketers in the world, I don’t think of myself as having much of a voice online. In fact, I often overthink what I want to say for fear that I might be misconstrued or misunderstood. 

As a result, Brittney’s comments struck a nerve deep inside me. I felt noticed. I felt appreciated. I’ve heard people talk about angels visiting us in unknown forms. On that day Brittney was like an angel. I didn’t even know I needed to hear this message. It gave me confidence to step into the community and give more of myself. It awoke a desire to speak powerfully into other people’s lives. I felt even more impacted when I learned that Brittney Rodriguez owns a PR agency and advises many high powered companies and individuals to perfect their online messaging.

Ultimately, this encounter taught me how important it is for speakers, sponsors, attendees, and event staff to show up powerfully for one another at events (and in real life, but I’ll save that for a different day). We can have amazing plans, products, and activities planned, but the true change happens at events when people invest in each other.

As an event organizer, I find myself wondering “how can we orchestrate more moments like this?” The truth is you can’t. But you can create a safe space where people feel empowered and encouraged to speak into each other’s lives. A place where we can notice each other and call forth the passions and talents we each have to make a difference in the world.

I barely saw Brittney again after that brief encounter. We’ve only shared a few social media exchanges since then, but her impact on my life will last for years and maybe decades. 

In this article, I want to explore a few ways you can cultivate a culture in your events where people impact each other powerfully and consistently. When you do that, they will remember your event as “the place” where something important happened in their lives. As a result, they will tell others about your event without you needing to ask.

When You Show Up You Become Unforgettable

When you choose to show up you make yourself available to the unexpected, serendipitous, and unforgettable moments that are hard to reproduce online or when people just coast through life with low expectations.

In talking to many of my friends, here are some tips they provided on how to show up more powerfully at events:

Tip #1: Know the Role of Technology

One of the best compliments I’ve ever heard after our conference came from author and speaker, Ann Handley. She posted this to her online community: “This photo is not great quality because today I was too busy talking to & hugging & meeting people in real life, and so I took maybe 1.2 photos. I had to borrow this from Twitter. That's the sign of a great experience... forgetting to record it!” 

When I asked Ann about this, she added, “That happens to me a lot actually. The best events immerse me in the experience. They make me temporarily forget about the Media part of Social Media... because I’m focusing on the Social. I get home. And I miss the people and real-life conversations. But luckily we have Social Media (!) to keep in touch/build momentum for next year.”

Liz O’Keefe is a creative director from St. Louis. She says, “We have a lot of glitzy technology we can employ in experiential design. And none of that will ever hold a candle to the relationships and the human connection we create along the way.” In thinking about her role as an experience designer, she also added, “It’s our job to create experiences that enhance human connection. In an increasingly technology-driven world, that is our primary job as designers.”

Technology can help create an environment where people are willing to try new things, think new thoughts, meet new people, and gain new skills. But technology will never replace the life-changing impact of human-to-human connections.

Speaking about the individual use of technology at an event, Brittney Rodriguez said: “Irony of ironies, as a PR professional perpetually attached to my phone, following many meaningful moments shared with others these days, I find myself asking friends or family to send me photos or video they’ve captured that I’ve ‘forgotten’ to capture myself. For me, truly remaining present means I consciously set aside the devices that are so commonplace in my everyday life to truly experience and feel the significance of the people and places around me. While this proved quite challenging initially, now it’s the simplest thing in the world. I’ve resolved that often, the most beautiful and meaningful moments should only be committed to the memories of those living them.” 

Tip #2: Design the Space and Structure for Powerful Conversations

Jon Berghoff is a master facilitator who designs and facilitates events for companies like NASA, Google, and Facebook, as well as for leading thought leaders like Hal Elrod. He advises that the intentional design of the user space can either enhance or detract from the user experience. He elaborates, “Everything that a participant sees, hears, and feels has an inseparable relationship with their experience. From the use of furniture, oxygenating plants, the right music, what color hues the lights are... it all matters.”  

Additionally, the structure of the agenda sets the tone. Jon Berghoff elaborates, “The macro-level structure of the agenda will control the culture of the event in a significant way. Culture always follows structure. This is true everywhere. What percentage of the agenda is passive vs. active learning? What percentage of the wisdom is "expert" generated versus "crowd" generated? What ways have we engineered and choreographed connection and inclusion, to accelerate psychological safety? And how are we continually re-calibrating and recreating psychological safety?”

It turns out that psychological safety is one of the top factors when determining how engaged and present a speaker or attendee becomes. If event organizers convey concern for details related to physical and psychological safety, attendees will trust themselves to fully engage. This is influenced by how we greet them, the questions we ask, and the attention we pay to details like placing toothbrushes in the bathrooms.

In commenting on the #hdsecretfamilyreunion experience, Bryan Kramer said: "The entire “Family Reunion” concept was grounded in a heartfelt reception from a true family - an unforgettable experience and a pleasure to be welcomed into their world. It’s these types of additional extras that make immersive events an experience that stands out for participants."

One of the ways I’ve learned to do this is through infusing generous amounts of time and space for networking. We create numerous opportunities to connect informally and more formally through guided conversations at topical Table Talks, lengthy networking breaks, parties, and through having a team whose sole job is to help people make meaningful connections.

The next generation of events will provide increasing amounts of time for collaborative conversations. 

Tip #3: Encourage Speakers and Event Staff to Be Most Present

I spoke recently with keynote speaker Mark Schaefer about this idea of showing up powerfully at events. He shared this advice to fellow speakers in a social media post:

“Phil Mershon and I were talking about the upcoming event and we talked a lot about the importance of speakers being present for the people coming to this event. That's a big part of the value for attendees and so much fun for the speakers.

“I've made a lot of new friends and business connections by hanging out at the various SMMW venues. I attend the social events, sit around different topic tables and support friends (especially new speakers) when it is their time on stage.

“I know it might be tempting to fly in and fly out but consider the benefits of networking in sunny San Diego.”

Jon Berghoff emphasizes that speakers and facilitators set the entire tone for an event. If they are distracted or not fully present it becomes obvious to everyone else. In contrast, when they make themselves fully present, attendees notice.

Jon expands on this thought: “The level of consciousness from which the primary conveners, designers and facilitators are operating, will have an inseparable impact on any event. Facilitators must embody certain values, in order to optimize the ability for ideal learning conditions to arise. Facilitators must be the most present people in the room, and ironically, without 10,000+ hours of mastery level experience, very few hosts are able to facilitate with the necessary hyper-presence, without being distracted by holding everything together.”

Malene Bendtsen commented to me recently that the first speaker to notice her at Social Media Marketing World was Cliff Ravenscraft. Cliff is the only speaker she’s ever seen who slowly and methodically made his way through the room to greet as many attendees as possible before his session started. This deeply impacted Malene and set the tone for the event that these speakers care.

If you’re a speaker, please understand how powerfully you can influence each event you attend. 

Tip #4: Work on your listening skills

If it’s true that the “genius is in the room” at events, then it follows that we should spend a lot more time listening and being curious. When you start to become known as an expert it’s especially tempting to spend more time talking than listening, but we all have things we can learn from each other. I’m most impressed with the speakers and attendees who have cultivated a curious mindset.

Brittney Rodriguez adds, “I’m incredibly verbose by nature and a true communicator and connector at my core—years of self-reflection have taught me that in work (telling the stories of others), in play (engaging with those that resonate most with me), or in the silence and solitude of my most comfortable place (my home) I’m most often silent and content. Being present often means that I act against my most fundamental nature, to speak, and rather just observe and absorb the things around me. 

“For example: When we went truffle hunting in Italy I was a muddy, icky mess and while I initially found myself loudly proclaiming my discomfort lightheartedly with our comrades, it wasn’t until I truly stopped to listen to the incredible slurps and slathers of the Italian clay underfoot that I truly recognized the brilliance of the moment. How lucky was I to stand ankle deep, patent leather shoes and all, amidst perfectly sticky Italian clay on an authentic truffle hunt?!”

Tip #5: Turn Your Frustration into a Different Question

It’s easy to become frustrated when you get stuck standing in line for two hours or the food service is slow or a speaker’s technology doesn’t work correctly. But what if you look at everything that happens as an opportunity for something else. This isn’t just a call to Pollyanna thinking, but instead an invitation to look for an alternate perspective on what is happening. This doesn’t just happen overnight. This is a skill that can be acquired through discipline and practice. 

Michael Hyatt teaches us to ask an important question when life throws us a curveball, “What does this make possible?” The same question can be asked at a conference or event when things don’t go as planned. It’s hard to ask that question in the moment if you haven’t practiced asking it in other contexts.

Some of the best event planners I know are able to roll with the constant changes inside of an event while keeping a smile on their faces. I believe it’s because they’ve learned to do what we teach all of our staff: “NEVER show your frustration publicly, but ALWAYS act like a duck.”

Tip #6: Speak Yourself Powerfully into the Room

Cliff Ravenscraft recently shared a story of a woman who shyly introduced herself when on stage and wondered why she wasn’t getting many coaching clients. The life coach got her to admit that she works for the United Nations and recently raised $3 billion for a global non-profit. That piece of information changed the way people saw her and everyone in the room wanted to talk with her. 

That led Cliff to reach the conclusion that is affirmed by coach Rich Litvin, “It’s not bragging if you’ve done it.”

If you’ve done something cool or powerful, don’t be afraid to share it. It might open the door for you to talk to someone else. If you keep the story to yourself, it’s like hiding a light under a bushel; no one benefits from the light.

Will some people find you arrogant and boastful? Possibly. And check your motives before sharing. But isn’t the risk of being misunderstood worth it if it allows you the opportunity to powerfully impact another person’s life?

Tip #7: Be Intensely Curious and Learn to Ask Better Questions

Dana Malstaff, founder of Boss Mom, advises attendees and speakers to approach every conversation with two things in mind. First, remember that you are an equal. The person you’re talking to might be a keynote speaker or a world-renowned expert at something you respect, but you have something to offer as well. You have your own areas of expertise. Be confident that you have something to offer. “If you come across as a fangirl, it won’t intrigue the expert. If you approach the conversation as equals you will be innately curious and that leads to memorable conversations.”

The second piece of advice Dana offers is, “If you want to be remembered by a speaker or stand out from the crowd, ask why questions and not what or how questions. It’s not the decision we made that is intriguing but the research, strategy, and the thought process behind the decision that intrigues us. As a speaker I will stop and notice the person who genuinely wants to know why I do something and this inevitably leads to deeper conversation and often a relationship that transcends the event.”

Curiosity always leads to better questions and conversations. If we’re honest, we all love it when people want to get to know us and what makes us do what we do. It’s true at events and it’s true in everyday life.

Tip #8: Prepare your body and mind

Events can be very intense and draining on the body, mind, and spirit. Wise speakers, attendees, and planners take time to prepare themselves before the event and take care of themselves during it. 

While you may have some established ways of doing this, here are some suggestions that can make a massive difference:

• If you’re not accustomed to standing for long periods of time, work yourself up to taking 10,000 steps per day before the event. Also make sure you have good shoes. This simple pragmatic step (pun intended) will allow you to remain focused on your conversations and not worrying about the pain in your feet and legs.
• Use a mindfulness app or some kind of prayer or meditation practice to be in touch with your mind, body, and spirit through the event. If you’re aware of what is causing you stress or distraction you can more easily silence those voices or address any practical concerns. 
• Participate in a yoga or stretching class each day of the event. You’ll likely be getting plenty of exercise by walking around, but your body will become tight from being in more unusual positions for extended periods of time and stretching can help,
• Learn some short techniques to activate your body and stay refreshed. Lizzy Williamson has made popular something she calls Two-Minute Moves. These are great simple activities based in science to keep blood flowing to the brain and keep the body in an optimum state for learning and engaging. 

Tip #9: Expect Serendipity

I recently went truffle hunting with an expert hunter and her dog. She knew where to look and the dog knew what it was sniffing for. As a result, I fully expected we would find truffles. But if you had sent me on the same walk without the expectation or the expert I would have walked right over thousands of dollars worth of truffles (and who knows what other treasures).

At every event I’ve attended there are many deals that are struck, products created, and million-dollar ideas conceived. I’ve also witnessed new partnerships formed, lifelong friendships started, and new careers launched. The thing in common with all these situations is the people went into the event with expectancy. Some of them might have known exactly what they were looking for, but many times it happened organically--you might say serendipitously or providentially. 

This is in part mindset and part preparation. You have to maintain an expectant and curious mindset so that you will recognize when you find a “truffle” moment. But you may also need to prepare by finding the people and resources that can help you find what you are looking for.

Another strategic way to set this tone comes from Pete Vargas who starts his conference by inviting everyone to fully engage in the experience. He told us "Even if you think you know everything we're going to talk about, there's something here for you if you'll look for it." I followed his advice and found I had made two unexpected discoveries before lunch on the first day. This never would have happened if I decided to disengage.

Tip #10: Embrace the #SHOWMO Movement

You’ll notice in this article I’ve referenced many friends who inspire me in different ways to be more present at events and in life. My guess is you know a few people who model some of these principles in their lives. Ask them about it. Be curious. Watch, observe, and learn.

I recently asked friends what it means to show up more powerfully in life. A fascinating conversation emerged that resulted in a new hashtag: #SHOWMO. It’s a call to show up more powerfully in more ways and in more places. I give credit to Amy Tischler for coining the term, but it was quickly embraced by friends like Bryan Kramer, Cassie Roma, and Julia Jornsay-Silverberg. We are having regular conversations online, but whether you join our conversations or start your own, I encourage you to embrace this mindset of showing up powerfully.

Bonus Tip: It Starts at Home

A few months ago I was talking to friends all over the world about the importance of showing up powerfully in business and in life. Little did I know one of my family members was on the other side of the wall going through her own struggles where she needed me to show up powerfully just for her. 

I learned the important lesson that the place we all need to show up first is at home. No one else can show up powerfully like we can for our spouses, children, and parents. From that foundation of love and support, we can more powerfully enter into the rest of our lives. 

Your Turn:

What lessons or stories can you share about the importance of showing up powerfully?