If Only
Small kindnesses show what really matters.
âA multitude of small delights constitute happiness.â â Charles Baudelaire, 1897
If only I had a better salary, Iâd feel secure. If only I had a bigger house, Iâd be content. If only I got that promotion, Iâd be happier.
If only⦠If onlyâ¦
We seem to predicate how we feel and how we live our lives based on tangibles and outcomes. As if there were some end goal, some final state of being that we could attain if we possessed something or passed a levelâan IRL version of âAchievement unlocked!â
Humans are a strange species. Our brains trick us all the time, and in the strangest ways.
Our brains tell us that if only we got what we wanted, weâd be happy. That a change in circumstances would make us satisfied.
Think about that for a moment. If you had desiresâmore money, a different house, a different job, a vacation, an ice cream cone, a single malt whiskyâdoes that keep you happy and satisfied? Likely not. Your circumstances change briefly, but then you find youâre back to saying âif onlyâ¦â again.
Happiness Doubled By Wonder
According to Professor Laurie Santos of Yale University, in her course Psychology and the Good Life, âa primary takeaway is that happiness is a mind-set to be cultivated, not a condition to be imposed.â (New York Magazine, May 2018)
A mind-set to be cultivated.
In other words, itâs not about external forces, the stuff you own, or the way society judges you to be successful; itâs about the habits you undertake that lead to sustained satisfaction. What are some of these habits?
You could put more effort into relationships with family and friends. You could practice gratitude (recall that G.K. Chesterton wrote âGratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.â). You can live in the present, taking the time to observe the world around you and appreciate the things that make you smile.
Itâs the little things that matter.
âIf you can honestly say that you get along well with your family without worrying too much about them, that you get satisfaction from your work from day to day, and that you âfeel goodâ most of the time, you already possess the main elements in happiness.â â Ladiesâ Home Journal, 1946
Weâre surrounded by little things every dayâthings that may escape our notice. And yet, when we practice a little reflection, we can get so much more out of these little things than we first imagined.
The Little Things
A couple of years ago, I posted something that later made me reframe how I look at things. I asked my friends to share a fond memory of us.
Because of the way the algorithm works on Facebook, we know that we donât see 100 percent of the posts that our friends make. In fact, itâs a much smaller percentage. And when youâve over-friended, people are at risk of not showing up in your feed at all. Because of that, there was a copied and pasted post that was going around.
It was a simple request: âIf youâre reading this, even if we barely talk, comment with a fond memory of us.â
Much to my surprise, it got nearly 300 comments, including from some friends from long ago. But more than that, it was the caliber of responses that stuck with me.
Again and again, I came across little momentsâmoments that in some cases, I donât even recallâthat stood out in peopleâs minds. Perhaps it was a note I sent, a remark I made, or a laugh we shared.
Things that frankly, didnât seem like a big deal to me at the time. But they mattered to my friends. So much so that these memories were sparked so many years later. Like George Bailey in Itâs a Wonderful Life, I was greeted with a multitude of small interactions that added up to a great deal (âYouâve been given a great gift, George.â)
Itâs the little things.
The true power of leadership isnât how many people you can fire, how profitable or successful you make a company, or the number of hours you spend working.
Recommended by LinkedIn
True leadership is found in everyday words and actionsâthe way you treat every person you meet.
Speeches and official communications will fade from memory. But your small gestures of kindness and inspiration will remain with people forever.
A Little Gesture from a Big Guy
One last story for you.
One of my fondest memories of working at Ford was on Take Your Child to Work Day in 2013, when I brought my two sons, Will and Drew with me for the day.
One of the events was a presentation in a large auditorium filled with Ford employees and their kids, where Alan Mulally, CEO of Ford at the time, gave a presentation. When he finished, he asked for questions from the audience, and Willâs hand shot up, but there wasnât time to take his question.
We headed back to World Headquarters, where the boys wanted hot dogs and tater tots in the cafeteria. As we were leaving the cafeteria, my phone rang. It was Amy, Alanâs executive assistant.
âScott, where are you?â
âIâm downstairs, just outside the cafeteria.â
âCan you come up to Alanâs office, please?â
As much as I visited the 12th floor, just two floors above my own office, and regularly interacted with Alan, I didn't really know what to expect.
When we arrived there, Alan was waiting in the doorway with a big smile on his face. He ushered us into his office and chatted with Will and Drew for a bit. He asked them about school, he inquired about their day so far, and he asked their momâs name.
Then, he sat down and wrote a note to Mindi on Ford letterhead, telling her what fine boys she had and how proud she must be. Then he drew his signature heart around âFord + Monty Familyâ at the bottom.
He asked if weâd like a picture, and invited us behind his desk. Then he motioned to Amy, who brought in two bags of Ford goodiesâHot Wheels, pens, keychains, notepads, and other Ford tchotchkesâand sent the boys on their way.
This was one of the finest examples of servant leadership Iâve ever witnessed. Alan took note of us in the audience, and even though he couldnât answer Willâs question, he followed up with this meaningful and personal experience.
Were there other executives whose kidsâ questions didnât get answered that day? Probably. Did they get an invitation up to Alanâs office? Possibly. But the thing is, even if they did, I guarantee Alan made them feel just as special as he made us feel.
Because thatâs the kind of leader he is.
And I hope thatâs the kind of leader my kids grow up to be.
Meanwhile, Iâm spending as much time with them as I can before theyâre grown.
If only we could stay like this forever.
If only.
Thanks, and I'll see you on the internet.
Human Centred Design Executive / Innovation Lab Director, D-Ford London, Melbourne and São Paulo at Ford Motor Company
1yLove this Scott thank you for sharing and hope all is well. (PS â¤ï¸Alan â¦)
Corporate Communications at NVIDIA
1yTrue to form. Alan took the time to ask and then remember my name when he thanked our agency for working on a Ford event.
Senior Editor, Prompt Engineering
1yAs I'm about to bring my 6yo son to work tomorrow. Excited to read once he goes to bed ð
US Lincoln Experience Owner
1yGreat story, Scott! I remember that particular day at WHQ. Hope youâre doing well.
ð¡ Certified Employer Brand Leader | Social Media Storyteller | Talent Attraction | Ideator | Employee Advocacy | Certified Career Coach
1yLove this post! Wow, has it been 10 years already?