Nice vs. Kind
Ladies, letâs talk. Itâs time to stop being nice.
Yes, stop. Just quit. Donât be nice ever again. Being nice is for suckers.
Women are nice. We look out for others. We worry about peopleâs feelings. We take everything on our shoulders just to make sure that no one else is troubled. We couch our criticism. We are nice.
But, what about when a man looks out for others, or worries about peopleâs feelings, or takes troubles off of anyone elseâs shoulders? What about when a man couches criticism? He is considered kind.
Think about the difference between these two words. Nice doesnât disturb anyone. Nice wonât upset the apple cart. Nice is expected. Nice is a doormat.
But, kindness? Kindness is something you bestow upon another. Kindness is something you can give. Kindness holds power.
She is nice. He is kind. Which one gets the call returned first? Which one gets the respect? Which one gets the promotion? Which one do you really hear? Yup, thatâs what Iâm saying.
So, ladies, I beg of you. Stop being so nice, and start bestowing your kindness as if it is a rare commodity, one that you choose to give only those who have earned it or value it. The kinder you are, the less nice youâll have to be. And, for that, we newly elevated women of the world will all be grateful.
But, how do you stop being nice when, after all, itâs our fall back, itâs the modus operandi, itâs muscle memory?
First, remember that itâs not your job to make everyone feel welcome, comfortable, and safe. You donât have to always be giving a compliment. You donât have to lump praise upon the undeserving. And, you donât have to fill the silences. Thatâs when the other person is thinking over the brilliance you just laid upon them; let them catch up.
Then, stop apologizing for existing. You may apologize too often, and there are plenty of studies to make me confident that you do, but even if the words coming out of your mouth arenât exactly, âIâm sorry,â the odds are that you start too many statements with âItâs just my opinion, butâ¦â and âI could be wrong, butâ¦â and "This might be a bad time, butâ¦â Iâm here to tell you to get your head out of your âbutâ and have the courage of your convictions. You can be kind without being mean, but that doesnât mean that you have to be nice.
Finally, think about what it is that you do better than most others around you. Find someone who could use a little of that magic. And, spend a little time helping them find it within themselves. Go out of your way to be a champion, not just a mentor. Teaching skills, building up others, opening doors are currency, and bestowing kindness is just that. Itâs not nice because itâs expected. Itâs kind because itâs intentional.
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Read more advice from Laura over at Limitless Possibility.
great article, thank you for posting
Your Invisible Writing Partnerâ Ghostwriting, developmental editing, manuscript and sensitivity assessment, fact checking, and book doctoring of nonfiction books about *career *work *working *worker *workplace topics.
8yA big challenge is to get this message into the minds and hearts of 4th graders.
Chief Strategy Officer leading partnerships, strategy, fundraising, and innovation.
8yLove it. And totally agree.
At Communicate! Consulting, I help nonprofits win loyal friends.
8yI know how many women struggle with the expectation of niceness, and some men do too. Thank you, Laura, for identifying the problem and putting it in its place.