“Emotions can get in the way or get you on the way.” ~Mavis Mazhura

‘Tis the season when new years’ resolutions fill the air. What is a resolution anyway? Dictionary.com defines a resolution as “a formal expression of opinion or intention made…the act of resolving or determining upon an action, course of action...a resolve; a decision or determination.”

I must admit that there are years when I’ve fallen into some pretty cliched thinking about resolutions. Such as THIS is the year that I’ll finally…“lose that weight…get in shape…give up [insert name of unhealthy part of diet] …” Does this sound familiar? Well, due to a 2018 that has been filled with life lessons in both personal and professional settings caused by big highs as well as significant lows, I now realize that these types of resolutions are insufficient. What really matters to each of us is embracing whom we aspire to be. And this is on physical, mental/emotional, and spiritual levels. As individuals, it is the core of who we are, and it’s becoming your most authentic self and best self.

Does this sound too abstract? Let me try this. I would ask that going forward, we each consider resolutions for ourselves that focus on better understanding and thus minimizing the impact of our own unproductive emotions. Examples of these unproductive emotions are: Worry, Guilt, Regret, Jealousy, Anger, Fear, and Shame. I love Vincent van Gogh’s quote which simply articulates the power of our emotions: “Let’s not forget that the little emotions are the great captains of our lives and we obey them without realizing it.” Do you agree?

With the help of close friends and loved ones as well as some excellent coaches over the years, I’ve been purposefully honing my ability to constructively and efficiently work through my unproductive emotions. Here are some steps I go through (perhaps these may be helpful to you too):

1. Acknowledge that you are having that emotion. Whether it’s regret, fear, shame, or something else, cut yourself a break – you’re human as is each of us. And by definition, humans are beautifully imperfect beings.
2. Don’t fight the emotion or keep it bottled inside. Recognize it for what it is. And if it helps, share your emotion with someone you trust. I often find this cathartic in nature. And certainly, it usually helps put things in better perspective.
3. Seek to understand the trigger for the emotion. Then realize that you are the one who is choosing to have the emotional reaction to that trigger. It’s all about that adage, life is 10% what happens to you and 90% of how you react.
4. Think about your reaction and emotion. Is it productive? Will it help you move forward constructively? Does it make you lose control or gain it?
5. Remember that what has passed is past. There is nothing you can do about it. But you can absolutely do something about the here and now. So, shift your focus to moving past the unproductive emotion(s) and get your head and heart into today.
6. Resolve to move forward. Resolve to rise above. Resolve to learn and grow. Resolve to inspire. Resolve to make yourself proud. As Zig Ziglar said: “Remember that failure is an event, not a person.”
7. Move on. Be in the present and create the future that you aspire to and desire. Make it happen.

So, how about instead of a new year’s resolution for 2019, we each commit to becoming our best selves by transforming our unproductive emotions into productive convictions and actions. You game? Do you agree it’s all about the choices we make? And in any instance, no matter how big or how small, we choose to act and react in some way thus we have the power to change our own trajectory if we’re not headed where we want to be? Would love to get your thoughts on how you handle this – feel free to share some tips with us.

Here’s to a terrific new year filled with positive choices which help us all become the best we can be!