This is me. Exactly 5 years ago, the day I left my job.

On one hand it feels like absolutely ages ago.

But on the other hand?

Well it feels like just yesterday I waltzed into work on my last day filled with utter relief that it was finally over.

You see a few short weeks before I left I found myself hunched in the corner of a tiny meeting room speaking to a psychotherapist.

After pouring my heart and soul out to him about how stressful my job is, how I felt like a huge fraud, how I get panic attacks on the way into work, how I hide and cry in the bathroom stalls and haven't had a good night's sleep in God knows how long...

He paused a moment and said... "It sounds like you're on the verge of having a nervous breakdown."

Me: "I think I'm already there." 

I couldn't believe how bad I'd let it get. I decided to leave that job is search of balance, purpose and joy.

In the years that passed, I looked back at my time there and did a lot of finger pointing

👉 The job was two roles rolled into one

👉 I had way too much on my plate and no adequate support 

👉 The organisation wasn't ready for the work I was brought in to do.

And while all those things remain true, what I realised years later is that I needed to also point some fingers at myself.

You see, despite my leadership position, I had some serious secret imposter syndrome and issues with my confidence that I battled with every day.

And rather than shrinking in my role, I actually did the opposite.

I overworked like crazy, struggled saying no and struggled asking anyone for any help.

I'd take on more and more work and say "yes" way too often, all so I could prove that I was good enough and I deserved my role.

And when things got too much, I rarely asked for any help because in my mind "If this work was given to me then surely I should be able to handle it right?" 😟

I had a leadership position and the last thing I wanted was to get found out.

So I kept piling more on my plate, trying to compensate for my feelings of inadequacy by doing more and trying (and failing) to get it all done by myself.

But I didn't get it done.

Instead I had a breakdown and was signed off from work for 5 weeks.

Sometimes we feel that because we're in a senior position we should have it all together.

We have an idea of what a perfect, competent leader looks like and judge ourselves harshly because we think we fall way short.

So we tend to overcompensate to try to prevent us from being found out as frauds.

Today I'm far removed from that woman who struggled with imposter syndrome.

✅ I learnt how to identify the thoughts and beliefs that were feeding my imposter syndrome, challenge them and replace them with more positive and empowering ones that propelled me to lead with confidence.

✅ I kept track of my accomplishments, big and small, so that I had hard evidence and reminders of my capabilities when I started to doubt myself.

✅ I stopped comparing myself to other people, focusing instead on my own unique journey and recognising that I am worthy. As is. Without change. Without exception!

Today not only have I created a career that I absolutely love, but I've become the woman that I absolutely love as well ❤️️❤️️.

I have confidence in my abilities, take full ownership of my achievements, embrace challenges and know my worth!!

And THE MOST fulfilling thing is that I now get to help other leaders and emerging leaders secretly struggling with imposter syndrome and low confidence, to have their own transformation so that they too can overcome self-doubt .

Having come out the other side, the joy, pride and peace I now feel is indescribable.

So if you're that leader and you want to find out more about working together, simply DM me and we'll have a chat 💜 .

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#impostersyndrome #confidence #leadershipdevelopment #professionalwomen #womeninleadership #careers

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