Life does get tough sometimes, that is just the way of life.  Are you beginning to lose joy in everything in life?  Have you lost your vitality for life and losing moments of happiness?   Do you wear a smile carrying a heavy heart?  Have you lost the sense of hope and optimism you once had?  Do you find that nothing makes you happy anymore?  Perhaps you’ve stopped doing things you used to enjoy and struggle to get out of bed in the morning.  If you are answering yes to or agreeing with any of these questions, then why not read on?

Have you found you are Joyless or Lost Joy?

Many people suffer from a broken or lost soul, a midlife crisis, or living a meaningless life, often linked to a major emotional event or recognising that your life model is not going the way you planned or is inconsistent to your life experiences, where people are uncertain of their meaning in life. The way the world is constantly changing provides few anchors that people can hold onto, and this makes them feel they are ships adrift, especially during turbulent times. You may have lost your sense of identity, constantly changing your environment, letting relationships mould you, radical shifting your opinions, get bored easily, your relationships don’t run deep or you may no longer trust, respect or appreciate yourself.  Let me tell you that you are not alone.  It happens to many people during their life, and they eventually overcome it and go onto better things.  Don’t think you can easily avoid it, for the harder the challenge, the sweeter is the reward.  

Hold your head up and continue reading on

One of the first things to do when you think you have lost joy and want to restore joy back in your life, is to understand and recognise that if you ask depressing questions, you will invariable get depressing answers.  When you know that you are feeling this way and recognise the signs, you know that are beginning to come to terms with it, and dealing with it means you’re healing it.  If you start asking proactively-orientated happy questions, you will correspondingly get happier answers that will help lead to a happier life.  As painful as it may seem, the more you confront the pain, the pain will eventually get smaller and ultimately disappear, however don’t push too quickly.

‘Rome wasn’t built in a day’ and you need to give yourself time to nurture your wounds appropriately

People have learnt and experienced that joy comes when you live in the present.  Seeing older people there is a perception that the loose the ability to feel joy as we age, however I think it is more about the fact the lose the ability to feel they have purpose.  As our surroundings change, older people are more reluctant to change their old habits and lifestyle.  Change takes effort, is uncomfortable, yet if you aren’t outside your comfort zone, you aren’t growing.  In an era that values progress, business, entertainment and …. Want fresh, young, vibrant, new ideas and concepts, and unfortunately not all people can offer that.  The older you get the more likely security, stability and healthcare are your new values, because you have already lived through rocky years, dynamic change and it is now time to settle down and enjoy yourself.  This is made all the more difficult when you lose the vigour and physical capability to travel around, your eyes start to fail and it is difficult to read books now, or your hearing fails and it is more difficult to enjoy the music you once did.  

Looking around, you see everything is geared up for the youth, young people and families (That is life)

It is very difficult when you are forced to adjust and find new ways of spending your time, but that is what you need to do.  Many people feel it is easier just to give in and feel down with all these changing happening as they age, however it doesn’t mean that we don’t feel joy anymore, we must just find new way of looking for it and will find it is different things.  Sometimes it is necessary to move away from things that produce low levels of satisfaction that include the television, newsfeeds and the internet.  Realise that journalism is all about sensationalism, the shock and awe effect, and feeding the fear to get an emotional response.  The media is full of horror stories, accidents, disaster and negative incidents, because they are far more interesting to our primeval survivalist selves, than the goodwill stories, the happy events and volunteering will ever be.

The search for what now brings you joy starts now

You need conscious focus to allow you to recover and recreate a new sense of joy.  For if left it can eventually lead to an emotional breakdown or irreparable ruined relationship, such as getting divorces, side-lined, fired or worse such as leaping off the cliff into hopelessness.  It is time to stop thinking about what’s wrong with your life, and refocusing on creating more right, recreating the life you both desire and deserve.  I will help you become a serious action taker to move you in the right direction.

Recognition of the condition of loss of joy is essential

For if you find the source of the problem, this will help you identify the right solutions.  Do you have a desire, need, tendency or obsession to:

(a)  Quit your current job and seek something new;

(b)  Change or investigate different religions, churches or new age philosophies;

(c)   Escape and move away from your current location to somewhere new;

(d)  Distance yourself from your family, friends, colleagues or people who care for you;

(e)  Suffer unexplained bouts of depression, irritability, anger, burnout or shouting;

(f)   Change habits, with an inability to complete or concentrate of tasks,

(g)  Buy new things you don’t need, renovate or constantly change décor or houses;

(h)  Repeat mistakes over and over again, such as looking to be right all the time;

(i)    See yourself in the mirror and not recognise yourself anymore.

Changing your mind-set is a good place to start

Remember to step out of yourself and look outside your own problems that can often see huge, but when you put them into perspective to others, are often very small.  Volunteering is a way of doing this, which also helps give you a sense of purpose and re-establishing perspective.  Hard times are often a ‘slice’ of life and not your whole life, so deal with the now but also keep an eye on the future, so you are not defined by one circumstance.  Be thankful when you get through the rough times and everything you have in your life.  You may even bounce back faster, higher and longer than you ever thought possible, when you learn to really appreciate the important things in life. 

Having a team around you is critical

Have a team around you when you are ready to quit, they will tell you that you are not done yet.  When you look back, you will be able to say that you made it through that period, so you can be thankful and even consider helping others.  You may need other people to save you from yourself.

There are always tough times!

During tough times, we often revert to previous modes of behaviour and habits.  We reach down for sweet things, alcohol, tobacco or other drugs.  Try and satisfy these needs with other choices such as fruit to prevent blood sugar spikes and dips, a walk or run to get your metabolism going, drink more water and get a mental rest in a quiet place for a while.  We all need periods of rest, and we can use these periods even more effectively when you make lists of the great moment in your past or what you want to happen in the future.  Ever tried envisioning a better future, where you are standing in from of your goal having achieved it.  Tap into the positive thoughts that the moment brings, for you have the capability to release feel good endorphins yourself and any time.

Tried letting go?

There are times in life when you need to let go of something, possessions that no longer work for you or people that aren’t helping you move forward.  Holding onto something that is no longer useful is like carrying a rucksack full of junk; it just slows you down and weighs you down.  When you give these items away, drop them or move away from the, you start feeling lighter, it allows you to make room for new things to enter your home/life.  The physical action of letting go, is as much a conscious as unconscious.  We have a lot of emotional and spiritual baggage that needs to be cleaned out now and again, to make room for new better people and new experiences to enter your life.

Create new things?

Create new things, new habits, practice meditation and yoga, look after yourself to help reconnect with joy.  For when we lose our joy, we start to lose our strength, our health and our passion for life.  For the joy of life is your strength to do all positive things and can be like a defibrillator to your spirit to help shock you out of self-pity.  Everyone can experience anhedonia, which is a lost interest in activities that you used to enjoy and also experiencing a decreased ability to feel pleasure.  In some cases, it’s a core symptom of major depressive order and a symptom of other mental health disorders, where you will need to seek professional help.

Joy is grander than happiness

Happiness doesn’t bring joy, and joy isn’t the by-product of happiness.  Joy is something grander than happiness.  Joy is a fruit of the spirit and soul, and when we find real joy, it’s infused with comfort and wrapped in peace.  It is important not to let anyone else steal your joy, whether this is another person’s anger that makes you feel bad, another person’s negative words that hurt you.  Protect you joy, and watch for robbers that stop you from enjoying your life.  

Joy boosts health

For having joy improves your overall health, boosts your immune system, fights stress and pain, and improves your chance of living a longer life.  The lack of joy can be a sign of burnout, where you start to grow more cynical because of the stories around the world at large, and your health deteriorates and your willingness to take less risks as you get older.  Don’t become that grumpy old person, blaming everyone, downtrodden or feeling story for yourself as your spiral down even deeper.  It is time to say NO F*CKING THANK YOU and now start laugh hysterically at life.  Then say THERE IS NO F*CKING WAY YOUR GOING TO ROB ME OF MY HAPPINESS AND JOY and scream loudly.  How do you feel now?  It is time to get angry and fight for your joy.

If you are just going through the motions, and long to see Joy’s optimistic face, feel her enthusiastically squeeze your heart, hand and hug you really tightly.  You need to ask yourself and understand what joy means for you, for there is no universal solution and it’s not the same for everyone.  Try this exercise where you close your eyes and think about pleasant and significant people, places, experiences, things and events that have brought you real joy.  

Our sense of joy increases from our mental, physical, emotional and spiritual well-being

Find positive relationships that continue to bring you joy and cultivate those.  You need to take care of yourself, mindful eating, stay active and get plenty of rest.  If your day is very stressful or problematic, make sure you make some time to remove yourself from these environments and take time to focus on your well-being and focus on the good in your life.  This will help minimise the stress and tension that you will most likely be facing and act as a pressure release mechanism.  Remember to keep doing it, to keep getting the benefits.

The best things in life are free

Start to appreciate the small free things in life, such as a sunrise, a sunset, appreciate the changing cycles of nature, spend a few moments meditating or saying thank you for what we have.  Notice and savour life’s small pleasures, and increase your awareness and enjoyment though adopting enjoyable daily rituals (linger over a cup of tea or coffee, take a morning stroll in the sunshine, feel grass between your toes) for it doesn’t matter how long you do it, as long as you enjoy and appreciate it.  Savouring takes all your attention, so it is impossible to multi-task.  Remember to focus on one thing at a time for maximum enjoyment.  Stop to smell the roses is always great advice to appreciate and luxuriate in them to enhance the pleasure experience.  Share with others to enhance the overall experience.  Replay and reminisce over happy memories and experiences from your past.

Sharing is caring

Now is the time to start setting some goals, targets and identifying tasks and activities that do bring you joy, and start bringing them slowly into your life and part of your daily routine.  Joy needs to be earned slowly for maximum effect, so don’t rush it.  Set realistic expectations, it is not going to happen immediately.  

Take your time, there is no rush just you

You can’t be happy or have joy all the time, so be realistic.  There are a lot of myths surrounding happiness and joy that need to be mentioned.  Money will not make you happy, all it does is to make things easier.  You don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy, for a mismatched relationship will not bring you happiness, I am sure of that.  Everyone is responsible for their own happiness; you can’t bottle it up, sell it to others or give it away for free; it doesn’t work that way.  Happiness doesn’t decline with age; you may just need to find new forms of activities that bring you happiness and joy.  Playing with that teddy when you were one year old, may not bring the same level of happiness when you are seventy.  Some people are just happier than others, which is a fact, however genetics only accounts for 50% of our happiness level, another 10% on life circumstances and then 40% is determined by your own actions and choices.  That last 40% is a lot of control and happiness that you have to play with.

Train the brain

Don’t forget to train your brain to be more positive, express gratitude whenever you can, give sincere thanks to others, especially if they go above and beyond what is expected.  Ever thought of keeping a journal to write down all the good things that happened to you, and try and find a positive outcome or lesson your learnt from a negative past event.  Nurture and enjoy your relationships, whilst making a conscious effort to stay connected and invest quality time with the people you care about.  Offer sincere compliments and seek out happy people.  Take delight in the good fortune of others.  Remember to live in the moment and savour life’s pleasures.  Don’t dwell on the negative or worrying about something in the future.  When you feel at peace, centred and happy, you’re more likely to notice the good things that are having around you, rather than letting them pass unappreciated and unobserved.  

Live more in the moment and savour the good things life has to offer

There is really something truly beneficial and fulfilling in helping others and feeling that your actions are making a real difference, ask any philanthropist.  People who assist others without expecting anything back, tend to be happier, have higher self-esteem and create increased general psychological well-being.  Volunteering is a proven method of contributing in a meaningful manner, whilst practicing kindness and compassion even to total strangers can make a significant difference to the giver.  This can be done without you going out of your way, just by saying thank you or bring someone a smile.

Take proactive actions

If you want joy back in your life, you are going to have to take some proactive actions, as it doesn’t flow back normally.  Anything worth fighting for is never easy but anything in life that is worth it, is worth fighting for.  It is time to find lost joy and fight for it to come back and stay in our lives.

References

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-health/cultivating-happiness.htm

https://www.thecut.com/2020/01/ask-polly-ive-lost-my-joy-and-i-want-it-back.html

https://www.christinewaldner.com/blog/2018/4/16/the-top-10-signs-of-a-midlife-crisis

https://www.handsfreemama.com/2016/01/15/finding-lost-joy-the-way-we-find-lost-pets/