The Kind Way to Give Critical Feedback
Most of us donât enjoy giving critical feedback to people on our teamsâand many of us flat out dread it. We worry that our words will wound the other personâor be misconstruedâresulting in embarrassment, awkwardness, hostility, or resentment. The more empathetic we are as leaders, the more it pains us to feel like the bearers of bad news, even when we know a piece of constructive criticism is important and necessary. But hereâs the thing. When we skip out on offering someone constructive criticism because we donât want them to resent us, we not only rob them of the opportunity to course correct, we begin to harbor our own resentment, which builds over time and creates disconnection. Not only can that molehill become a mountain standing between you, the issue you left untreated can hinder business performance. Thatâs why itâs so important for leaders to normalize feedbackâboth negative and positiveâintegrating it into the culture so that it feels less like youâre âgiving people the businessâ and more like business as usual.Â
Create an environment of trust.
No matter how skilled you are at delivering critical feedback, it wonât have the desired effect unless it happens within an environment of trust. And that environment starts with you as a leader, being credible in your words, reliable in your actions, and open to other points of view. Do you tell the truth? When you donât know, do you say so? Do you deliver on commitments and only commit to things you plan to follow through on? Do you actively seek input from others and show them that youâve acted on their input? These behaviors demonstrate that youâre not just acting in your own self-interest, which is the fastest way to destroy trust.Â
Start small. Give feedback early and often.
Trust takes time to developâand so does a culture of feedback. If youâre âsavingâ critical feedback for annual reviews or formal one-on-ones, youâre inhibiting progressâand potentially amplifying the anxiety around performance feedback. Instead, normalize same-day feedbackâpositive and negative. And donât wait for major screwups. Start small. Identify opportunities for quick corrections, always aiming to give feedback as soon as possible, when the moment is fresh in the receiverâs mind. If the feedback is critical, youâll want to give it privately, so you and the receiver can speak freely and tackle the challenge together.Â
Call it coaching instead of feedback.
Thereâs nothing worse than prefacing feedback with âWe need to talkâ or âCall me.â It strikes fear in the personâs heart and puts them on the defensive. Instead, give the receiver a clear idea of what you want to talk about and allow them agency in determining when the feedback gets delivered. I like the phrase, âwould you be open to some coaching?â For example, you might pop your head into the personâs office, or send them a quick message: âHey Andy, I have some thoughts about your presentation in this morningâs meetingâwould you be open to some coaching?â This shows Andy that youâre not just being critical, youâre genuinely invested in coaching them and helping them develop.
Avoid loaded languageâand stick to the facts.
When you deliver critical feedback, itâs important to strip your language of judgment and assumptions and focus only on the behavior you observed. For example, âWhen you asked the team a question and no one answered immediately, I noticed you tried to supply potential answers instead of giving them time to respond in their own words.â These are the facts of the situation. Lots of nouns and verbs. I did not say, âI noticed you got really nervous and tried to answer for the team to avoid any awkward silence.â You may suspect the person was nervousâbut you donât know that for a fact. They may have found the silence awkwardâor they may have been trying to lead the team to a preferred conclusion. Your job is to identify what happenedâand give the other person an opportunity to tell you why. That way youâre inviting conversation, rather than shutting it down by telling them how they feel. Â
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Explain the impact of the behavior.
When explaining the impact of a behavior, itâs okay to use descriptive language, because the feelings belong to you. You might say, âWhen you ask the team a question and donât allow ample time for people to think and respond, I feel like youâre not really interested in what we have to say, and Iâm concerned the team wonât have the opportunity to share important feedback.â This is called the SBI method of giving feedback, which stands for Situation-Behavior-Impact. By explaining the impact of the behavior, you give the person a clear reason to act on your feedback. If you only call out the behavior, theyâre left to guessâand they might guess incorrectly.Â
Stop talking.Â
Give the person time to process and respond to what youâve told them. Resist the urge to fill the silence or couch your criticism and youâll be more likely to get a clear explanation. The person might say, âItâs not that Iâm not interested in what the team has to say! Itâs that when they donât respond right away, I get nervous that my question was unclear. Iâll work on giving people more time to respond.â Or they might reveal an aspect of the situation you werenât aware of. âI felt some hostility from the group when I asked the question. No one was looking at me, and it made me wonder if they werenât interested in what I had to say.â Giving the other person a quiet moment to process allows you both to get clarity on the situation, so you can move forward.
Collaborate.
The most important thing to remember about feedback is that itâs not just about the person receiving it. If their actions or behavior have no discernible impact on the team, you shouldnât be giving them feedback in the first place. So, make sure to approach feedback in a spirit of collaboration. State the facts, explain the impact, and listen to their response. If theyâre not sure how to address the issue, ask if theyâre open to brainstorming ideas together.Â
Say âthank you.âÂ
Once you have an action plan in place, itâs a good idea to thank the person for receiving your feedback. A simple and sincere, âHey, thank you.â tells the person you value their time, energy, and openness, and lets you leave the conversation on a positive note of connection.
I know itâs not easy to give critical feedback. But the more we normalize it, the easier it getsâand the faster we can improve our team and company performance. What was the best critical feedback youâve ever received? What did the person sayâor not sayâthat really resonated with you?Â
Building an efficient ATS | HireTale | IIT Guwahati
2yExcellent read! "Start small. Give feedback early and often." is my pick. The longer you wait, the lesser impact.
Executive Assistant
2yIt is excellent advice.
Owner
2yThank you David Novak for your help.
Executive Business Leader | Program Management | Business and Operations Management | Customer Service & Satisfaction |
2yThis is great advice and something we as managers routinely struggle with. One of the worst things we can do for our employees is wait until year-end to drop the bomb on them that they're not performing well.