"Have you found your voice yet?"  I don’t think I ever understood what that particular question meant until just recently.   Of course, I can speak, I can talk to people and tell them what I need. I used to think that was a silly question with the abnormally loud voice I was born with.   But, the complexity of that question is really understood as you see your children find their own voice. I don’t think I put it all together until I saw the pattern with all three of my kids. 

 My oldest, Autumn, obviously found hers.   She at 18 years old, would take her friends, all band members of course, and play at music venues.  They barely knew how to play together and had only written a few songs.  They didn’t care.  They knew what they wanted to do.  I remember a particular time when she bought some throat mics and taped them to a mask so she could try to sing like one of her favorite artists.   She had no idea what she was doing, I saw the anxiety and thrill all at the same time beaming in her face as she performed on stage and loved every minute of it.  

 My son, Korbin found his.  Sitting in a bathtub on stage as JoJo from the Seussical The Musical at the age of 13.   In this Junior High Musical, the music cut out and technical issues cut all power.   So what did he do?  He just went for it.  Singing it completely acapella in front of a silent crowd, he found his voice.   You can see from my past posts, he hasn’t slowed down.   The most proud moment was when he performed Human Fly at Autumn's Celebration of Life event as a tribute to her past performances.  It’s on my Instagram feed if you want to watch it. It's worth it, I promise.

 So what is finding your voice?  My kids have shown me what that means.   It means to be so scared of something but to love it so much that nothing will keep you from being able to do whatever it is that you want to do.   It's not letting the fear of failure stop you from failing.  It's knowing that you will not be perfect at it at first but permitting yourself to keep trying.   It's feeling confident enough in yourself that your desire for an outcome, does not let your fear, uncertainty, and doubt get in your way.   It’s your element, of who you are on the inside, come out in its true form and you have permitted yourself to allow it to be what it is.  

 To watch your daughter so shy and timid on stage that you cannot even hear what she is singing and then watch her turn into a beautiful young woman who has the confidence to ”scream” on stage.  "Screaming" is a term used to describe a technique where the vocalist uses harsh intense style of singing that involves various forms of vocal distortion.  It ranges from high-pitched shrieks to low guttural growls. Folks, this isn't a skill set she learned at home.  This isn't a family pastime of music or hobbies that are handed down from generation to generation.  This is something that she feels on the inside and can express herself in what feels and is natural to her.   Even if it's not the culture that their parents raised them with, or their parents, parents.   This is her authentic self, so vulnerable and confident.

 What this last performance of hers wouldn’t show you is the time and the growth that happened between the first time she sang and now.   Her first time singing on stage was such an emotionally draining event for her that she refused to sing on stage for almost 2 years.   She hated it and hated the stress and anxiety it caused her.   In those two years, she explored finding herself with her looks, her friends, her emotions, and her music tastes.  She pushed herself to get better at playing the bass and be more confident and comfortable in front of people.  All that hard work and effort showed up as she showed up on stage.  

 As my children become young adults, they now give me courage every day.  The courage to do that thing that scares me.   The thing that you always wanted to do but have always been too scared to take that first step.  The thing you hide on the inside and don’t let anyone see because you are afraid that you won't be or will not be good enough.   The dream you dream and then tell yourself that you don’t deserve that dream.   But if not now? Then when?  Why can't it be you?  If anyone else could do it, why not you?   One of the biggest things my oldest daughter Autumn taught me, is that you have one shot at this.  When you are done, You. Are. Done.   Why not make this life and this world what you want it to be?   Why be miserable and so scared that it keeps you from living the dream you want to dream? 

 

Finally, give yourself permission to be exactly who you want to be. 

 

I would love to hear stories of your journey of how you found your voice.   Please share in the comments below or send me a direct message. These stories help me to find the courage to continue to be brave and do the things that scare me.  In advance, thanks for sharing.