Emotional intelligence is a crucial skill that can help you to become successful in all aspects of your life.  With the ability to control emotions, make solid decisions, and remain stable in the face of adversity, you’ll be a beaming light of inspiration to those around you.  Every situation calls for a slightly different type of leadership, but the common theme is emotional intelligence every time.

Emotional intelligence isn’t just about controlling heightened emotions; it’s about decision-making, showing empathy, managing arguments, problems and conflicts, and it’s the ability to handle issues with a steady mind. Additionally, emotional intelligence helps you understand your strengths and areas for improvement. All of this helps you in moving towards your ultimate goals in your professional and personal life.

Throughout his years of research, Daniel Goleman has discovered that emotional intelligence is twice as important as any other skill or asset in terms of leading a team to success.

Five Elements of Emotional Intelligence

1. Self-awareness
2. Self-regulation
3. Motivation
4. Empathy
5. Social Skills

Self-awareness

Being ‘aware’ of oneself is the ability to accurately perceive one’s skills and knowledge, value, and responsibilities. It is being confident in what one has to offer, whether it is personally or professionally.

Self-awareness is not only important for one’s self-esteem, but it is also the first step to the process of full acceptance or change. Without understanding why one thinks the way they think or why they act the way they act, they may never fully appreciate themself or see the importance of making changes to improve, if necessary. Self-awareness gives power and a sense of peace or happiness. This newly found strength will more than likely carry over into your work life, how you perform your duties as well as how you interact with others.

The lack of self-awareness can cause you to not realise your worth in the company or even the quality of the work you perform. This can have an even more dramatic effect when you hold a leadership position. Not only will you have doubts about yourself, but the people you lead will also begin to question your competence, which could ultimately lead to a lack of leadership effectiveness.  

Self-regulation

Self-regulation is another term for ‘self-control’, which is defined as the ability to control one’s emotions, desires, and behaviours to achieve a positive outcome. A high quality leader cannot afford to let their bad mood enter the workplace and affect how they lead their team.  A manager who can keep their moods out of the workplace is more approachable to employees.  

Self-regulation is sometimes challenging because of the accepted practice that it is important to ‘express how you feel’. While this may be partially true, self-regulation is the art of finding the balance between expressing one’s feelings and avoiding unnecessary tension. 

Self-regulation is a direct reflection of the type of pressure one is experiencing. There are three types of pressure:

Good Pressure: This type of pressure results from an aggressive yet non-critical and non-harmful atmosphere. One aspires to be like the people around one, and this motivation leads to the acquisition of self-regulation.

Bad pressure: is when the atmosphere is critical and harmful. One loses motivation and self-regulation.

No Pressure: When one is not experiencing any pressure, they tend to act based on emotion, since there is no one to challenge themselves.

Motivation

Andrew Carnegie said it best with his quote, 

“People who are unable to motivate themselves must be content with mediocrity, no matter how impressive their other talents.” 

Self-motivation is an essential part of excelling in life. Learning to motivate yourself is critical as you cannot depend 100% on others to do it for you. You have to know how to encourage yourself regardless of the situation. There are several keys to building self-motivation.

• Work towards a cause.
• Don’t compare yourself to others.
• Make a conscious effort to not give up.
• Don’t live in your past failures or successes.
• Utilise positive thinking.

There are times when you may need motivation to get motivated. Positive thinking may not be doing the trick. What should you do? Consider these suggestions:

• Write down your plan for improvement.
• Think about your past successes.
• Read books that promote self-motivation.

Empathy

Empathy is ‘putting yourself in the shoes of others’. In order for empathy to work, a person must first be able to recognise, classify, and understand their own and others’ feelings.

Empathy has also been defined as:

“The ability to put oneself into the mental shoes of another person to understand their emotions and feelings.” ~Alvin Goldman

“An effective response more appropriate to another's situation than one's own.” ~Martin Hoffman

“To perceive the internal frame of reference of another with accuracy and with the emotional components and meanings which pertain thereto as if one were the person, but without ever losing the ‘as if’ condition. Thus, it means to sense the hurt or the pleasure of another as one senses it and to perceive the causes thereof as one perceives them, but without ever losing the recognition that it is as if I were hurt or pleased and so forth.” Carl Rogers

Empathy is most useful when the one empathising has experienced a variety of feelings. For example, the boss who was once passed over for a promotion generally finds it easier to identify with another person who was passed over for a promotion. Not only is this comforting for the person who is going through the situation, but it’s also good for the empathiser because it strengthens their ability to react positively to negative situations.

Empathy is not as simple as it sounds. The ideal situation would be for a person to express their issues, and you would empathise with them. However, people aren’t always as forthcoming with their problems, even when it can be obvious that there is something wrong. Since this is the case, you may be forced to ask probing questions or read between the lines of what is said. You can also focus on non-verbal cues such as body language.

Social Skills

Individuals with significant emotional intelligence have highly developed social skills, which allow them to connect with and build strong relationships with others. Social skills encompass a range of competencies that facilitate harmonious interactions, from influencing and persuading others to managing conflict and inspiring change. These skills are critical in both personal and professional settings, allowing individuals to navigate social complexities with grace and efficiency.

One key strategy for enhancing social skills is active listening. This involves fully engaging with the speaker, maintaining eye contact, and providing feedback that shows understanding. By demonstrating genuine interest and empathy, you build trust and rapport, which are essential for effective communication. Another strategy is to practice clear and assertive communication. This means expressing your thoughts and needs directly and respectfully, ensuring that your message is understood without causing offence.

Additionally, developing conflict resolution skills is crucial. This involves recognising and addressing disagreements constructively, and seeking solutions that satisfy all parties involved. It requires patience, empathy, and the ability to stay calm under pressure. Building a network of positive relationships through regular, meaningful interactions also supports the development of social skills. Regularly seeking feedback and reflecting on your social interactions can provide insights into areas for improvement, helping you to refine your approach and become more adept at navigating social dynamics.

Emotional Intelligence is entirely different from IQ. IQ is a measurement of intelligence i.e. how ‘smart’ you are. Emotional Intelligence is a measurement of how able you are to control your emotions, use them in the right way, connect with others, make firm decisions, and show empathy to those around you.

Here are a few strategies for you to experiment with:

• Keep a journal and identify your emotional triggers. Note down at the end of every day the emotions you experienced and anything that was going on at the time.
• When making a decision, solicit others’ opinions and be open to what they have to say.
• Seek out feedback and listen to others’ perspectives.  Rather than being offended, or taking any perceived critique as personal, look for a constructive message.

Learning to improve your emotional intelligence takes time and effort but will never be wasted. The first step is to do some deep thinking and pinpoint times when you allow your emotions to get the better of you. Start to be more aware of the feelings you’re experiencing and what causes them.  Once you’ve identified your triggers, you can start to make a plan to minimise them or face them head-on and overcome them.

“Experience is not what happens to you – it’s how you interpret what happens to you.” ~Aldous Huxley

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Remember, you can unleash your unique version of success!

Your Coach

Stephanie