Recently I spoke at an event on “Getting What You Want”.

The talk started with a focus on first getting clear on what it is that you want, because you’d be surprised how many people don’t actually know what their goals are! The talk also included a call to not feel guilty about wanting what you want – something women especially need to hear due to society’s historical and current conditioning.

Given the number and intensity of messages I received afterwards, it seemed to have struck a chord with many of the attendants. As such, I thought it might be good to share here too. I truly feel we’d all be better off if we made the following realisations our own.

****

In order to live this one short life we’re all given to its fullest potential, it’s essential to know what it is that you want out of it.

What is it that you desire to do with your life?

With your career?

We’re all given a finite period of time on earth, how are YOU going to put a dent in the universe?

What is it that sets your heart on fire?

What is your special brand of magic that if you were to do THAT, the world truly would be a better place for it?

This pandemic and its subsequent general upheaval of old patterns is a most excellent time to figure that out AND to go after it! Everything’s in flux anyway – might just as well ride that wave, my darling!

And before you say “That’s all well and good, but there’s no opportunities in my field because of that pandemic”, please understand that in reality, precisely because everything is changing and moving, there are opportunities everywhere. It’s just a matter of finding the right place where your unique skills are needed in the new reality.

(Yes, that will take work. And yes, it will be worth it.)

****

Okay, back to getting what you want. One of the main things holding women across the globe back in going after what they desire, is that they feel greedy when they do.

“If I ask for a bonus for all that work I did extra this year, what will my boss think of me??”

“I can’t possibly tell my husband I need a day to myself without the kids to screw my head back on right, can I?”

Etc.

The hardwiring we received growing up, telling girls to focus on others first, is difficult to un-do, which makes us feel selfish and greedy when we ask for what we need and want.

It’s not impossible though.

The best way to do this, is to use that exact same upbringing and hardwiring that’s causing us to struggle to ask for what we need. Here’s how that works:

You can’t pour from an empty cup - it’s that simple. You cannot possibly give and give and give, when there’s nothing left to give. So precisely because you want to serve (your company, your team, your boss, your partner, your family), you need to make sure that you can. And in order to be able to give, you need to make sure that YOU are okay. You need to make sure you have surplus to give.

THAT is why you ask for what you need to ask for. Not because you’re a greedy b*tch, but because if you don’t have anything to give… you don’t have anything to give.

Fill your cup. Ask for and get what you need and want and deserve. And the whole world will be better for it.

*****

If you want help with that, PM me. It’s what we specialise in at WIN: https://womeninnegotiation.org/apply/