Today, I realized I have finally survived nearly a year of being back from maternity and this got me thinking about the before and after 'me'. It surely isn't the same, the truth is, in our work environments we often see and hear more empathy when it comes to the loss of a family member. My own experience has taught me that the addition of a member to the family is an equal, if not greater, life event. It is one that completely takes away the sense of 'control' you have always had over your life. The feeling is overwhelming, am sure it is shared by both the mother and the father - while one faces the brunt of trying to manage it all (after all she is the primary care giver to the baby itself), the other faces the pressures of acting like it's all normal and life goes on. I write this post not to establish the need for greater understanding for a woman returning from maternity leave, but in order to establish the need for empathy for both parents as they return from having had a life event. To that extent, this is no effort at overt feminism :-)

It is common to have advice from EVERYONE when you are walking back into the doors of your workplace, after your maternity/paternity leave. Jokes about sleepless nights, taunts about 'who is looking after the baby if you are work?' and 'take it light and easy, you have to make compromises' are common. In a world where it is common to belong to nuclear families, have careers that mandate the need for global travel and being from a generation that aspires to 'have it all and have it instantly' there are certain ground rules at the workplace that need to change. Post mortem, now that I am an experienced parent who is back at work, if I have to look back and lay down some rules of engagement I'd definitely nominate the following:

Firstly- all the advisory activity happens before the employee heads out on maternity/paternity leave. If he/she can have a mentor/buddy assigned from before the leave to help anticipate the changes in their lifestyle it would be far more beneficial. This mentor or buddy should continue to have a cadence that can keep the employee abreast of the critical changes in the organization while he/she was away. It would also be good to have them 'coached' to deal with the impending changes- formal training for this purpose will reiterate to the employee that they are an important part of the team and underscore to them how eager their organization is to not only have them back in action, but actually to see them CONTINUING to succeed when they get back. It weeds away all the reactionary commentary that the employee can be subject to when they come back unawares of how life has changed and at the same time try to deal with all by themselves. After all, never have they had to perform a grueling 10-12 hour routine when they have had less than 4 hours of continuous sleep (may be accompanied by a wailing concert that could put any opera singer to shame).

Secondly, once they are back if they can be part of a group of returning parents, it will only increase their sense of belonging instead of feeling singled out in conversation- most new parents yearn for a sense of belonging and today's social media culture only increases the need for this bonding environment. let me confess, even a forum within babycenter.com offered me great solace to know I wasn't the only one going through challenges at work and home. but if that had in fact come from a forum of people in my work place and within my vicinity it would have offered more relevant and targeted advice for sure! let me reiterate, if information sharing is a norm today, it is an absolute necessity for new parents at work! added to this if we have forums facilitated by HR to address common grievances or challenges and find ways to resolve it would make getting 'back to work' far easier. I still remember sharing with a colleague the importance of putting in place a support system for her childcare so she has enough 'quality time' to spend happy hours with her child instead of trying to cope with everything by herself and working from home. Small tips such as these go a long way in helping us navigate our chances of managing a work life balance.

Lastly and most importantly, it is important for any successful work environment to create a culture that nurtures and provides equal opportunities. It is important we waive away preconceived notions around the employees willingness to travel/relocate/pick up challenging roles. Of course managers and peers should discuss what they think are the perils of doing so, but they should leave it to the employee to decide what works best for them. Today's digital world has made it pretty seamless to work from home, work globally or enable greater flexibility for working parents, their ability to stay connected through all of maternity/paternity and post getting  back to work is immensely improved compared to yester years. To this effect it is important we recognize the rules of the game have changed and if anything it is opening up a whole new possibility- One where sustaining your careers while ensuring you have a wholesome family life are no longer mutually exclusive.

To sum it up, in my own case, glad to be back at work for a year now, I have had the unique luxury of choosing to do what works best for me and here's hoping there is many more to come. It is a good era to be a working parent...I truly can't think of a better time to be one! Just as many things in our daily life are changing, it is important to recognize that working parents have more to leverage from a changing landscape of technology and workplace norms. Lets hope this niche area also sees some changes in the coming years.