Thursday, February 6, 2020, was the first day of my very first job after graduating. When I entered the room, I was met by a warm smile I still remember to this day. “Ahmad, I really like your coat, man.” I was flattered, of course, but more than that, very pleasantly surprised by this gesture. “Thank you, for the feedback boss.” He paused for a moment as if to reflect on the moment. “I think feedback is a gift, Ahmad, that I love giving almost as much as receiving.”

Feedback is an incredibly powerful tool. If offered properly, it has the ability to help people grow and develop, both personally and professionally, improve the levels of trust and communication, and strengthen bonds between team members and managers. Unfortunately, more often than not,  it is either reeled back in or absent altogether, to avoid confrontations that many are uncomfortable with.

To be an effective manager, we at Nearpeer believe in honing the skills of dispensing both praise and critique. While the former is fairly easy to give, the latter is far more challenging, especially when trying to ensure it is constructive. Yet effective management requires managers to occasionally step in and highlight to team members the need for improvement in certain areas. Thus, we believe it is vital for managers to learn how and when to give constructive feedback. Bearing in mind the experiences of the best of our team members and managers, we have compiled a list of steps as a guide for giving and receiving feedback, constructively:

Avoid giving unsolicited feedback:

At present, very few people think the feedback they receive at their places of work is actually helpful. If your team member hasn’t requested feedback directly, be sure to check in with them, before you decide if, when, and how to provide it.

This allows your team members to have greater autonomy in deciding when to receive feedback, and greatly increases their receptivity to it; it is after all a two-way process. Empower your team to control the feedback agenda; help them feel confident and comfortable enough to ask for it themselves.

Be specific:

Your feedback should be solution-oriented, clear, and concise. If your intention is to offer constructive feedback, general comments like, “Your work needs to be improved,” or “I wasn’t very impressed with those reports. You have to do better than that,” can leave your team members more confused, and perhaps even a little agitated.

Be specific about what you’d like your team members to do differently and offer guidance on how they may do so. If, for instance, you need to go over presentation techniques, you could say something along the lines of, “I noticed you were struggling with presentations lately. I was wondering if you would like to sit together at some point and discuss any issues you’re facing? I can, perhaps, share my thoughts on the color scheme and font size? I could also share resources I have for the task at hand if you would like more clarity.”

Empathy is the key:

Delivering feedback that pertains to any significant gaps in the knowledge your team members have, demands a great deal of sensitivity. Not unlike ripping off a bandaid, the sting of being shown such a massive gap often elicits strong emotional responses, mostly defensive in nature, and any notion of constructive dialogue goes out the window. If you’re someone who bears the brunt of your colleague’s difficult behavior, learn to set those frustrations aside at the moment, in favor of an empathy-based approach. Before you even approach your colleague, be prepared to give them the space they’ll need to receive your feedback. You can revisit your own frustrations at a later time, in a calmer manner, and convey what you felt when the time is right.

Keep it private: Don’t criticize publicly—ever. 

For some, praise, too, is received and delivered better in private. Some people simply don’t like being the center of attention in a room. You can also consider more subtle methods, in such cases, like offering written feedback. This can, additionally, give you time to reflect and offer more meaningful insights, while also giving your team members the comfort of receiving them in a setting of their choosing.

Feedback isn’t just uncomfortable for the recipient, it can be uncomfortable for the giver as well.

Example of how to not give feedback:

How your feedback should look like:

Feedback is a gift:

Think of feedback as a gift and you’ll never go wrong! If you are the recipient and you feel attacked by the feedback, think of it as an unwanted gift and remember that the person who is delivering it, meant well, even if they did not present as such. You can choose to receive the gift with humility and then take a short while to think about it. Even if you feel the feedback was not helpful, be thankful to the giver for taking out the time to offer their insight.

If you have any feedback for us please share it at ahmad@nearpeer.org and we would love to hear from you.