“When I look at you, I see myself. If my eyes are unable to see you as my sister, it is because my own vision is blurred. And if that be so, then it is I who need YOU, either because I do not understand who you are, my sister, or because I need you to help me understand who I am.”

– Lillian P. Benbow

For as long as I’ve been coaching (20 years now), I’ve wanted to be a “better” coach.

In my first few years, I felt I needed to “know” more about coaching. Later, I felt I need more “experience” coaching. Now that I’ve completed many coaching courses and logged thousands of coaching hours, I realize that being a “better” coach means having more access to my Self.

What is “access to Self”?

A few years ago, I had the good fortune to interview Dr. Richard Schwartz , the creator of a body of work called Internal Family Systems (IFS). After 30 years of using IFS with thousands of patients that included people who had survived trauma, people who had inflicted trauma on others, people with a variety of mental illnesses and what might be called “healthy normals, Dr. Schwartz discovered that all humans have a unique capacity - the capacity to be witness to, reflect upon and connect with all parts of themselves and do so with love and acceptance.

What makes this capacity possible is the presence, in all people of a Self - a Self that possesses the alliterative qualities of Compassion, Calm, Creativity, Clarity, Connectedness, Confidence, Courage, and Curiosity.

These qualities are essential for a coach and enable us to embrace all the parts of ourself and all the parts of our clients.

What’s the benefit as a coach of access to the Self?

When I am accessing my Self, I can be with my difficult emotions, thoughts and urges. And this capacity gives me practice in being with the difficult emotions, thoughts and urges of my clients.

This is why, as coaches, our accessing Self is so important. The Self of the coach can be with what is, whatever that is, for the client (and the coach). The Self can be with, explore and hold space for the client’s discomfort and agitation to support them navigating their own way through their experience and attend to what’s wanting to emerge.

How do we as coaches access our Self?

Ideally, we coaches would be able to access our Self easily and “on demand”. And in my experience, that says easy and does hard.

I’ve only had a few experiences that support me in providing the felt experience of accessing my Self. 1) Therapy – working with an IFS therapist to support the Self in working with my parts 2) Mindfulness Meditation – calming and focusing my mind enough to let go and to witness and extend compassion to all aspects of my experience 3) Plant medicine – working with a guide to support a safe exploration of my inner world and 4) Breathwork Meditation - working alone or with a guide to process and release stuck emotions, loosen habituated patterns and connect with my Self energy.

We, at Learning in Action, are now offering monthly breathwork meditation sessions at a low cost, to support coaches in accessing their Self.

What is Breathwork Meditation?

Breathwork is one of those words that is so generic that it could mean many different things.

The breathwork we perform is known as pranayama yoga or two-part breath. It’s performed lying down, typically with an eye mask on, by taking a deep open mouthed inhale into the belly, followed by another open mouthed inhale into the chest and an open mouthed exhale. Participants perform the breath with light guidance from a facilitator to a set playlist for about 25 minutes.

Doesn’t sound like much, does it?! You’re just breathing? How much can that really do?! Well, it turns out, quite a lot!

What’s the benefit of Breathwork Meditation?

Breathing in this way calms the amygdala, activates the hypothalamus gland, and allows us to be with and access more of our experience and to release thoughts and emotions that have been stuck in our bodies. This type of breathwork is incredibly energizing and calming at the same time.

Breathwork supports us in connecting with our Self energy. It helps us to raise our vibration and vibrate at a higher frequency.

That’s a BIG claim. Dubious? Come check it out for yourself ! We’d love to have you.

When we can raise our frequency, we can love, accept and be with our lives and with who and what is, whoever and whatever that is. And it’s that kind of loving embrace that our clients need to support their emergence.