Why do you get out of bed in the morning? What inspires you? What motivates you? What does that little voice in your head whisper to you that makes you constantly postpone or excuse? I feel like we’re all wrestling with who we are, who we want to be, and the overwhelming dread that we feel when staring into the void between the two states of being. From our careers to our waistlines, there’s the here and now and the seemingly unattainable place we want to be. 

First, we need to create a safe space for ourselves, make some agreements, and find ways of returning to that space when in a tailspin. If you haven’t read it yet, I’d recommend starting here: The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom

The most crucial step in this process is for you to agree that you’ve made the decision to show up for yourself today and, coincidentally, every day hereafter, whether you win, lose, or draw. This is a personal agreement that you MUST make with yourself and no one else; you’re on the hook for this one, and it’s your responsibility to be empathetic to yourself and how you handle what life throws at you while trying to maintain a course that will lead you to your desired outcome.

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There’s an inherent agreement of accountability in this. You WILL make mistakes and fall short of your goals, but the accountability you develop as a result of this practice will serve as a anchor to which you can return.

There are some incredibly helpful tips to managing your inner dialogue in the article 6 Tips to Master Your Internal Dialogue that I wanted to share with you as it will help you manage the "noise" and keep you focused on the path of personal growth.

Spend time in silence: I still struggle with this one CONSTANTLY!! Silence, true unabashed silence can shake even the best of us. In the stillness the answer will come and even when it doesn’t, even then it’s an answer!! Living the Silence – exercises

Cultivate Gratitude: There’s always something to be grateful for, and if you can’t quite put your finger on it, email me directly and we’ll find it together!! For those of you who are “the see it to believe it folks” I even found an article for you, and YES, it IS that important!! The Science of Gratitude – How it Changes People, Relationships (and Brains!) and How to Make it Work For You

Actively avoid Negativity: If you thought for a second that I struggle spending time in silence then know for a FACT that I wrestle with this monster daily!! Instead of attempting this one head-on think about it in these terms “managing your expectations” and then give this one a read: The Stoic Art of Negative Visualization

Harness the power of affirmations: If I’ve learned one thing in this life, you have to be your BIGGEST fan. If you took an honest look at yourself in the mirror and had to pick “fan” or “critic” and you said critic, it’s ok, but, we gotta start “wearin’ our own jersey.” Maybe that’s a goal you set for yourself, everyday you gotta write down a Victory and then at the end of the week you review’em and pick your favorite one’s to be celebrated at your monthly review and then you pick 5-10 to review at New Years Eve!!!! You guessed it, I got one for you too!!  How to harness the power of self-affirmation

Practice Impeccable Speech and Behavior: “What you dream, what you feel, and what you really are, will all be manifested through the word.” - Don Miguel Ruiz author of the The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book) 

Remember your true Nature: From the article I’ve listed above “6 Tips to Master Your Internal Dialogue”, it has this to say: As we are reminded in the Bhagavad Gita: “Fire cannot burn it, water cannot wet it, wind cannot dry it, weapons cannot shatter it; it is eternal, it was never born and will never die.” That is our true nature, and when we remember this, our internal dialogue shifts to become a reflection of that knowingness. The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire: Harnessing the Infinite Power of Coincidence

We’re going to use a bunch of “I” statements throughout this exercise as we flex our “inner monologue” muscle. I feel there needs to be room not just to establish the goal(s), but also room for personal feedback as we course correct over time.

Here are some examples to get you started:

1. I am proud of myself for [name a thing], even when I felt unmotivated.
2. I acknowledge that I didn't meet my goal this week for [name a task], but I am committed to adjusting my approach and trying again next week.
3. I am grateful for the progress I have made so far [on what] and I will continue to push myself to achieve even more."
4. I recognize that I made a mistake in my approach [to what] and I am willing to learn from it and make adjustments for future success.
5. I am taking responsibility for [action] and will make the necessary changes to achieve my goal.

We set goals for ourselves all the time, but how many of us lose sight of our New Year’s Eve resolutions half way through March, February, or even January? Most of us fade ever so slightly off track until we’ve moved on to that next bowl of snacks. How do we course correct that behavior? 

Honestly, it’s probably a little different for everyone. 

Here’s another opportunity for you to be empathetic with yourself; is it a big goal or a little goal? Have you just started or is this something you’ve been working on for a while? Is the goal you’ve set for yourself too big and should be chunked out into smaller, more manageable goals? Consider this: We're going to set a goal for ourselves, and we KNOW we won't get it right the first time, let alone the fifteenth. 

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If we can’t take feedback from ourselves, who can we take it from?! Again, this is another agreement that we’re making with ourselves to add to an ever growing list. What do we expect from ourselves? Here are some recommendations to follow if you’re wanting to create a personal “retro”:

Set a regular schedule: Decide on a specific time and frequency for your check-ins, such as once a week or once a month. This will help you develop a routine and make sure you're consistently reflecting on your progress.

Choose a quiet, distraction-free space: Find a place where you can be alone and uninterrupted during your check-in. This will help you focus and give yourself the time and space you need to think.

Reflect on your goals: Take some time to think about the goals you've set for yourself and how you're progressing towards them. Ask yourself if you're on track or if you need to adjust your approach.

Be honest with yourself: Don't shy away from the hard truths. Be honest about what's working and what's not, and be willing to make changes if needed.

Celebrate your successes: Take time to acknowledge and celebrate the progress you've made. This will help you stay motivated and focused on the positive aspects of your personal growth.

Write it down: Whether it's in a journal, planner, or on a computer, writing down your thoughts and reflections can help you process and organize your ideas.

It’s one thing to set a lofty goal, but it’s something completely different when you define a S.M.A.R.T goal for yourself. S.M.A.R.T stands for 

1. Specific
2. Measurable
3. Achievable
4. Relevant
5. Time-Bound

As an example, here’s one I’ve set for myself:

Specific: I will improve my endurance by rowing longer distances on my rowing machine.

Measurable: I will track my progress by recording the distance and time of each rowing session.

Achievable: I will gradually increase the time and distance I row each week, starting with an additional 5 minutes and 500 meters each week.

Relevant: Improving my endurance will help me achieve better overall fitness and health, and also enhance my performance in other physical activities.

Time-bound: I will achieve this goal in 3 months by consistently rowing for longer distances, at least 3 times per week, and following a structured training plan.

We’re all a collection of experiences ranging from novice to expert on each thing we have in our personal and professional lives. There’s a theory that says it’s actually better to focus on your strengths rather than your weaknesses. In the article “Focus on your strengths, focus on success ,” it says,

“In fact, when leaders, teams, cultures, and individuals focus on their strengths, they have a better chance at winning than if they focus on improving their deficiencies." This same research shows that empowering, successful cultures are those that engage employees and capitalize on individual capabilities.”

So, what are you good at? I’m sure by now, you’ve got a couple of tricks up your sleeve. This is a perfect opportunity for you to champion yourself!! Oftentimes, we’re so quick to find those extra 5 lbs that we forget that we’re REALLY good at... [you tell me!!]…..? In this exercise, you’re going to take a minute and pat yourselves on the back because, well, let’s face it, you deserve it. What are the few things you truly adore about yourself and wish you had more of, and what are some things that, if swept under the rug, no one would notice? I’m sure a lot of you are thinking that it might not be so easy to identify that thing or things you’re good at, so try some of these to help get you there:

1. Make a list of your accomplishments: Sit down and write a list of all the things you've accomplished in your life, no matter how big or small (win a foot race to the mailbox, graduate college, make an awesome meatloaf last week, get a new PR in that tough mudder you were in last week?!?) Try to think of things you're proud of, things you've received recognition for, and things that came naturally to you.
2. Ask others for feedback: Ask people who know you well what they think you're good at. This could be friends, family members, colleagues, or mentors. If they respond with anything noteworthy follow-up by asking them to write you a linkedin recommendation!!
3. Try new things: Sometimes we don't know what we're good at until we try something new. Experiment with different hobbies, activities, or even work projects to see what comes naturally to you. A new food, a new way to work, a new bagel spread, a new coffee creamer, it doesn’t HAVE to be HUGE just start somewhere!!
4. Take a personality test: There are many personality tests available online that can help you identify your strengths and weaknesses. Some popular ones include the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator and the StrengthsFinder assessment.
5. Keep a journal: Spend some time reflecting on your daily activities and how they make you feel. Write down your thoughts and feelings about what you're doing and what you enjoy. Over time, patterns may emerge that help you identify your strengths. What better way to strengthen inner monologue than to write it all down and reflect on it!!! The perspective you have today might not be the same perspective you have from a week from now, trust me.

Sometimes in the harshest of times it’s incredibly important to remind ourselves that we actually kick ass!!! Probably not at everything but I’m sure there’s a few things you can Identify.

Ok now, we’ve got all this momentum, how do we keep it, how do we hold on to it? There’s a fantastic book that outlines the process of creating habits called Atomic Habits by James Clear. That process looks like this:

1. Cue: This is the trigger that initiates the habit. It can be a time of day, a location, an emotion, or any other sensory or mental stimulus. Cues can be external (e.g. an alarm clock) or internal (e.g. a feeling of hunger).
2. Craving: The cue creates a feeling of desire or need for a particular behavior. This is the motivational force that drives the habit. The stronger the craving, the more likely the behavior will be repeated.
3. Response: This is the actual habit or behavior that is performed in response to the cue and craving. It can be a physical action (e.g. grabbing a snack) or a mental activity (e.g. thinking positively).
4. Reward: The final step is the reward that reinforces the behavior and strengthens the habit loop. It can be a feeling of pleasure, a sense of accomplishment, or a tangible reward such as a treat or money.

I feel like I've given you a ton of information, but if you've read this far, you must be up for the task. Setting and maintaining goals is difficult and complicated, but it's also an incredible journey of self-discovery. It’s difficult to know who you are or who you want to be when success is a constantly evolving concept. 

We’re all faced with the difficulty of what appears to be an insurmountable distance between the current situation and the intended result. Making personal commitments and finding techniques to control your inner dialogue will help you build a safe zone for yourself that you can retreat to when things are getting out of control.

It's a difficult trip, and everyone's road to success is unique. But keep in mind that success involves more than just attaining goals; it also involves setting goals that help you discover your purpose and experience genuine satisfaction. Start small, never forget your genuine nature, and use the power of affirmations to become your biggest supporter. Keep in mind that the road to achievement is a never-ending one and that we are all in this together.