Many leaders are confident that they possess high emotional intelligence, but the reality often falls short. A study published in the Harvard Business Review found that while 95% of people believe they are self-aware, only 10–15% actually are. This gap highlights how difficult it can be to gauge our emotional intelligence accurately.

High EQ is characterised by key skills like self-awareness, empathy and emotional regulation. If you’re able to stay calm under pressure, handle criticism constructively, and connect with others on a deeper level, then these are strong signs that you might have high EQ. But if these areas are a challenge, there’s significant room for growth.

My journey with EQ began two decades ago. During my university studies, I stumbled upon Daniel Goleman’s groundbreaking book ‘Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ.’ It was a lightbulb moment for me. Goleman’s insights on the critical role of emotions in decision-making and leadership really sparked my curiosity and made me realise that this was the missing link for so many. I saw it as a key skill, not only relevant to professional life but the personal too.

One quote from the book stuck with me: 

“In a very real sense, we have two minds, one that thinks and one that feels.”

Yet, so often we can disconnect from the ‘mind that feels’ and the prevailing mindset often encourages suppressing emotions, viewing them as distractions or weaknesses. But I like how my course tutor put it when I trained to become an EQ practitioner, he said:

EQ is a blending of Head (Thoughts), Heart (Emotions) and Hand (Actions).

So true EQ mastery involves the skill of agility and flexibility between both minds in a way that informs our actions, creating a blend of sorts of the two minds.

But how can we tap into that second mind—the one that feels—and use it effectively? Then how do we go even further and connect it with the thinking or rational mind, using this blend to reframe our perspectives, understand our emotions and allow this to inform our actions and decisions?

I think it begins with truly recognising its value and identifying practical ways to incorporate emotional intelligence into our day-to-day.

EQ Is a Superpower, Not a Weakness That Impairs Us.

So what’s the truth? The truth is that, Emotional Intelligence (EQ) isn’t about being overly emotional or 'soft'; it's about using emotions to our advantage. Daniel Goleman’s research demonstrates that leadership success is also determined by emotional and social competencies and not just IQ or technical skills alone. Leaders with high EQ understand the nuances of both their own emotions and those of their teams, allowing them to navigate and even foresee complex situations with resilience and clarity.

A study from the Journal of Applied Psychology found that leaders with high EQ are also more adept at managing stress and conflict in the workplace, which directly impacts team performance and outcomes. TalentSmart’s research shows that 90% of top performers have high EQ, while only 20% of bottom performers do. This means that leaders who understand and manage their emotions—rather than suppressing them—are far better equipped to handle challenges and drive their teams toward success.

 

Neuroscience Insight: Leaders with high EQ can regulate their amygdala—the brain’s emotional centre—by engaging the prefrontal cortex, responsible for rational thought and decision-making. This ability prevents emotional hijacking and allows leaders to remain calm, think clearly, and act strategically. You may have heard the science-backed phrase, ‘Name it, to Tame it’ because quite literally by naming or identifying the emotion you’re feeling, you can shift from the amygdala (the brain’s emotional centre) to the rational part of the brain (the neocortex).

Because of this, EQ Helps Us Make Smarter Decisions.

We all know that leadership can involve making fast and high-stakes decisions. Emotional intelligence can help you make smarter decisions—not just quicker ones. But how?

When you’re in touch with your emotions, you’re better able to recognise when you’re about to make a rash or reactive choice. Emotionally intelligent leaders understand the subtle triggers of stress or frustration and can pause, assess, and choose a more thoughtful response (the Head, Heart, Hand blend). This self-awareness, paired with the ability to read others’ emotions resulting in more informed and balanced decisions.

In high-pressure negotiations for instance, leaders with high EQ can identify emotional cues that aren’t always verbal such as body language, tone of voice, or micro-expressions. This allows them to adapt their strategy on the fly, often leading to more favourable outcomes. A 2017 Harvard Business Review study found that leaders with high EQ are 24% more effective at decision-making under pressure.

Four Practical Ways You Can Integrate EQ Into Your Leadership Style Right Now.

Enhance Active Listening

Too often, we listen to respond rather than to understand. High EQ leaders focus on listening to fully grasp what’s being communicated—both verbally and non-verbally. This builds trust and ensures decisions are made based on a broader and deeper understanding of the issues at hand.

Ø  Action 1: Practice summarising or paraphrasing others’ points of view during conversations to confirm you’ve understood what they’ve said.

Improve Self-Regulation and Self-Awareness

As Nancy Kline emphasises in her book that I love, 'A Time to Think,' the quality of our thinking is directly influenced by how we create space for it. To help manage impulsive reactions, consider creating a "thinking environment" that allows for deeper reflection. This could mean scheduling short, uninterrupted thinking periods before responding to critical issues, or asking more insightful questions that promote clarity and problem-solving.

Ø  Action 2: One actionable tip from Kline’s work is to intentionally practice “thinking rounds” in your team, where each person has uninterrupted time to speak without fear of interruption. This not only fosters emotional regulation but also cultivates thoughtful, considered responses, even in high-pressure situations. I’m in the process of writing another article on Kline’s amazing work which I’ll share soon.

As you might guess, successful self-regulation correlates with having better self-awareness. HBR has a research-based framework based on their ‘four self-awareness archetypes’ that looks at how well you know yourself (internal self-awareness) against how well you understand how others see you (external self-awareness). It’s a framework that’s worth using as a reflective tool.

Ø Action 3: They also assert that good introspection involves asking ‘what’ questions more than ‘why’ questions as the latter tends to lead to negative and unproductive ruminating thought patterns whereas ‘what’ produces more objective, future-focused thinking that empowers you to act on your new insights.

Grow in Empathy

One of the core components of EQ is empathy. Strong leaders understand that by tuning into the emotional state of their teams, they can better motivate, inspire, and not only reduce conflict but successfully lead change and transformation. This is because emotionally intelligent leaders can adjust their approaches as new information comes in, making them more agile in the face of change.

Ø  Action 4: Try practicing something called ‘Roll the tape’ which traditionally means to play back a recording or review recorded footage so you may already have an idea of what it involves! In a broader sense, you can "roll the tape" each time you communicate by reviewing what you've said afterward. The crucial part? Do this from the perspective of the person receiving your message. For instance, after (or before) you’ve sent an email or voicemail, ‘roll back the tape’ and ask yourself two key questions: 1) What has come off differently than I thought and; 2) What could be easily misunderstood?

How EQ Sets You Apart from the Pack

The World Economic Forum recently ranked emotional intelligence as the #1 leadership skill for 2024, emphasising its importance in navigating the complexity and uncertainty that define today’s business landscape.

In an increasingly competitive business world, EQ continues to be a leadership differentiator and competitive advantage. Irrespective of what kind of leader you are, your ability to connect with others—both intellectually and emotionally—will be your biggest asset.

Goleman shares that, "CEOs are hired for their intellect and business expertise—and fired for a lack of emotional intelligence,” making clear that the higher up you go the less important IQ becomes and EQ becomes a necessity. Unfortunately, it can become harder to develop and maintain EQ as one’s power grows because as Business Professor James O’ Toole has discovered in his research, ‘as a leader’s power grows, their willingness to listen shrinks, either because they think they know more than their employees or because seeking feedback will come at a cost.’

Emotional Intelligence Is Your Edge

When I first came across Daniel Goleman’s work 20 years ago, I didn’t realise the long-term impact it would have on me—and on the way I view leadership. Emotional intelligence has been the missing link for not only many leaders but people generally. As the demands on leaders continue to grow, EQ will be the skill that separates good leaders from great ones.

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What practical ways do you embody emotional intelligence with colleagues or family and friends? Did you find any practical tip helpful? Share with others below.

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