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Fear, more often than not, does not exist.

More often than not… we are thinking about the past, about days gone by or a potential future that has not been created.

Our mind is not where it should be, which is the only place we truly have. This moment in time.

Why am I writing an article about fear for this edition of The Behaviour Shift?

Isn’t fear more of a life coach thing not a leadership or organisation style subject?

That’s where most people are wrong.

Fear impacts almost everyone - if not everyone, but it’s what we do with this feeling that matters most.

Fear is a primitive instinct designed to keep us alive.

How it’s relevant in today's concrete jungle (not the forest floor)

Your fear as a leader will never allow you to be your best or your team to be the best if it’s not addressed, because during the moment that matters the feeling of fear takes over and crash dive actions follow.

You can never be all in.

You can never be all you can be if fear is holding you back.

So, the purpose of this article is to let you know that:

• Fear is natural;
• This is what is happening to you;
• How fear impacts your world; and
• What you can do if fear is stopping you from succeeding.

What is fear?

Fear begins in an area of the brain called the amygdala. This is often from some form of stimulus in our environment, think back thousands of years ago when predators in the wild were real, the theory that love and fear are the most primal reactions in us. However, fear in 2023 is not because there’s a lion above you in a tree, it comes from the information stored in our minds which can be true but is often false. 

Fear such as what will happen in the meeting with that “difficult” team member or during the upcoming presentation can be overwhelming.

Here is the hard part. Fear is there to keep us safe, it’s very generic and doesn’t see the difference between a dangerous situation such as the predator compared to something in your place of work that really isn’t that bad (like Bob from the accounts team).

It’s important to know that fear is healthy and fear is natural. We have this information stored in us to enable us to move freely in the world without having to think about everything all of the time, calculations are being made in split seconds from information including decades ago.

It’s ok if you are fearful about something. 

I hope you read that… It’s OK.

But what’s not ok, is allowing this fear to stop you from pursuing your potential.

What’s not ok is your fear about something personal impacting you and your team from being the best they can. 

Fear is often old and outdated and just like the moustache (sorry guys) it belongs in the past.

When does fear begin? When did it begin with you?

If we watch babies they often pull things close to them as they want to explore or love it. On the other side of that coin, they push it away for a number of reasons including being fearful of it.

So, fear starts within us early.

There is research and theory to suggest our connection and reaction to the outside world begins whilst we are still within the womb, hearing sounds, voices. As soon as we are born, our hearing is nearly that of an adult.

Babies at the age of 5 months start to associate facial expressions such as happiness, sadness and fear amongst others. Very early on, looking at someone's face can spark a feeling and emotion.

Over the coming years, as we hit teenage life and adulthood, we continue to build up narratives about events that happen to us. Often because we have replayed an event and layered it with similar ones this story now becomes stronger and stronger. It can get blown out of proportion compared to the actual real life situation.

Think about some of what you are fearful about in your workplace right now.

Are they true? Based on facts?

Or have you connected a number of events together with the past and now your fear has grown into something else.

It’s important to know and fully embrace that yes, things happened to us in the past.

This is the story of us and accepting all of it is important.

They might be difficult and full of fear.

But, it is our choice for how long we allow our history to walk with us in the future.

Ask yourself this:

• What are my biggest fears?
• How much of them are based on real and current events?
• Do these fears help?

What does fear do to us?

Fear really is getting us prepared for what is commonly called flight, fright or freeze but you know what fear is really asking us to do? It’s saying do 1 of 2 things:

• Take a physical action, or
• Say something.

That is it!

When we have fear about something this is what is happening, which is really important. 

• Increase in your breathing rate.
• Stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline are flowing through the body. 
• Heart rate is up, pushing blood to your limbs ready for action.
• Blood starts to thicken.
• Appetite is suppressed.
• Eyes focus akin to tunnel vision.
• The want to reproduce decreases.

Don’t forget, constant stress and anxiety can lead to all kinds of health issues, it’s not something to ignore, you need a clear strategy to help.

How does fear impact those around us?

When I’m working with Leaders or even my life coaching clients I ask them how they relate to roadblocks in their life. I ask them “do you look at this situation as a challenge to overcome or are you fearful and see this as a massive problem?”.

This is really important as the two choices here are very different paths and have a massive impact on what happens next.

Let’s look at it this way.

Meet Rob

Rob is a leader within an organisation. He really knows his stuff, is great with clients but has fear relating to having difficult conversations with his team. He is fearful of confrontation.

Why? Because he thinks all conversations are about winning and losing, being right or wrong. He is stuck in his own head about the confrontation he experienced in his house growing up. So he struggles to hold some of his team accountable when they don’t achieve all they are capable of.

Why does this matter? Because his fear is impacting his ability to be the best leader possible and in-turn, it’s also impacting his team's growth. Lose lose situation.

And you guessed it, it has an impact in other areas of life also.

Meet the developers

The developers are a great bunch of women and men, highly dedicated, passionate, determined and skilled but are collectively fearful of sharing the truth about projects. So fearful that they would rather cover up the truth of how the project is coming along for fear of what their line manager will say.

Important to know: Yes, the manager could be more in tune with their team and the personalities involved however the team in general are feeding off the fears of each other and it’s now become a group cultural thing.

Sadly for a few of the team this fear is now appearing in their personal life where they are unable to share their truth with their partners. This behaviour is spreading as they have not faced the roadblock.

Meet Rebecca

Rebecca is also a leader and new into the role. She is fearful about team meetings. Fearful that she doesn’t have all the right information, fearful about not being good enough in the moment.

But, she looks at this current state of mind as a challenge to overcome, a roadblock to break down. She has an inkling in her mind this is BS so what does she do?

See below.

What can we do about fear?

I do not recommend picturing a happy place as being the best and solo strategy to make an impact on this area of life.

Yes, if you are fearing something such as an important conversation, thinking about something that changes your state of mind such as picturing a holiday or party.

But pushing away something like fear and not facing it will only mean fear comes back, probably bigger and stronger.

What do they say, ignore your fear and it’s doing pushups in the closet, ready to pounce!

Here’s what you can do

Yes, breathing can absolutely help. It links with the sympathetic nervous system which is part of the response mechanism to danger. Slow it down.

“When a person has a reaction to something in their environment, there’s a 90 second chemical process that happens in the body; after that, any remaining emotional response is just the person choosing to stay in that emotional loop” 

Dr Jill Bolte Taylor

There is a chemical reaction in our body which lasts for about 90 seconds. In this article you can see more about the work and theory of Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, Harvard brain scientist.

BUT important to know we can as humans can be sitting in a white room with no windows, sounds… nothing and change our mood, our state. So as much as 90 seconds is true, we must break this cycle and belief system.

Get crystal clear about what holds fear.

Ask is this Fact or Fiction? Is the thing causing me fear, actually true? Or am I imagining it?

Learn to walk towards what you have fear in. Build up the confidence in yourself relating to what you are worried about by doing smaller versions of that very thing.

If you are petrified about meeting with 20 people, start with smaller groups of 5. Increase your 1-1 sessions with the collective group so you can break down the mental barrier of these people.

They are only humans and carry fear just like you.

Own your fear, tell someone.

Below is part of an exercise I do in the life coaching space. It was inspired by a remarkable book by Edith Eger called “The gift”.

Week One

• For three days keep track in your journal everything you say or think I can’t, I should (or might) and I won’t
• The next day when you start to think or say those same words replace with I can, I want, I’m willing, I choose and I am. This is not necessarily about immediate change but a shift in conversation, it’s about embracing the possibility of what can be.
• The next day, ask yourself in the morning and write in your journal. “What is one thing I can do differently today than yesterday to move past my fears?”

Week Two

• Over the course of a week write down your fears. Then ask yourself “is this my fear?” or “is this someone else’s that I am now adopting?”
• If the fear is from someone else, reflect on why you carry this fear, are there any valid reasons? Should this now belong to you?
• For your fears, create a list of what you can do to move past your fears and strengthen your mindset. What purposeful action can you take to show this fear is actually not as big as it seems.

Success about your fear looks like changing your beliefs, building up your internal dialogue based on facts and actions.

Not just telling yourself “don’t be stupid, don’t be afraid of that”.

As a leader when you approach your fear and conquer your fear, others will sense this. They will be inspired to do the same and you know what… you can coach them too, not just because you listened to a podcast but because you have made the change yourself!

Fear is not a final destination, just a moment in time.

A time that has passed.

More on the author

I’m a Life & leadership Coach - Behaviour Strategist with over 25 years of real world experience in organisations such as Myer, Jeanswest, LVMH and Melbourne United. I combine these experiences and knowledge to support organisations, people leaders and teams to pursue their potential. I specifically work with the next generation of Leaders to ensure my experience and knowledge can support their progress in new roles.

If you would like me to work with your teams or present to them on the below topics please reach out.

• Peak performance mindset
• Next generation of leadership
• Team building
• Healthy habits & Behaviour crafting for busy people
• Agility and discipline

More details on my corporate coaching programs, visit this page.