Traditional networking is dead.

Enter human connection - or "advanced strategic networking".

Today I'm picking up the thread from the last newsletter, which talked about the benefits of strategic networking and gave a few frameworks with step by step instructions on how to start.

For those who want more advanced strategies, I've recorded a podcast episode on the Female Tech Exec , which dives deep into them.

When you do strategic networking the way that I'll show you, a few things happen.

Immediately:

• You feel connected to people you may have lost touch with from earlier jobs and projects.
• You feel you're not alone and that people are there to support you.
• As you start learning what's on people's minds and what they're looking for, you start connecting the dots and connecting them to each other. The resulting feeling is one of "being a Santa Claus" to someone. Creating a relationship or a connection that will benefit people who would never have met otherwise. It's the best feeling and it can be very addicting.
• As you give more of your attention to others, ask them about themselves and genuinely listen, their goodwill towards you grows exponentially and they really want to reciprocate and help you when you're in need. It's truly a "giver's" principle of success - one proven by the likes of Adam Grant and Reid Hoffman and countless other executives and teachers.

So here's what to pay attention to once you start Strategic Networking for the first time. Remember, even if you're really in need of something right away, your best bet is to avoid spamming your network with transactional networking at all costs.

Here's a framework for reaching out to your closest connections that eloquently marries your request for help with the best of Strategic Networking.

The framework's name is RASA and it's a Sanskrit word for "pleasure", so truly enjoy!

Pre-requisite and a Word of Caution: You need to really, genuinely WANT to connect with people.

If you're burnt out, don't do strategic networking now.

Take care to process your burnout, disappointment, and resentment first. And then, when you feel better, you can proceed. Be honest with yourself - there's no judgment here.

Be mindful of who you associate with - surround yourself with positive people who will lift you up instead of staying in the doldrums and beating the drum of "how life is so unfair".

Here are two excellent resources to help you with processing feelings of blame, shame, guilt, disappointment, hurt, resentment, etc:

The Work by Byron Katie.

Letting Go, the Pathway of Surrender by Dr. David Hawkins.

Once you reconnect with your energy and enthusiasm for contributing in a work setting and for finding a new job, then proceed to the RASA framework for reaching out.

Next, going down the list of your top 30-50 connections (see previous article here ), draft your reach-out message through the RASA Framework:

RASA Framework

1. Reconnect

Get yourself updated on what's been going on in the life of your connection. Express genuine excitement at reconnecting.

Example:

"Hey, name, long time no see. I can't believe it's been X years since we last talked when we both left company Y. I've been following your updates and I wanted to congratulate you on your new VP role - very inspiring!" [2 sentences]

Quick note: In case of a challenging update from the person, avoid making a statement about the update.

Instead, ask them how they're doing and phrase it as a question. For example, "I'm sorry to hear about the passing of your mother last month - please accept my condolences. How are you doing?"

2. Ask them about them.

Do your research on social media and avoid bringing up topics that may be sensitive (for ex, asking after a spouse when there has been a separation update).

For example, if they moved to a new city and their kids were on the swim team:

Example:

How are Kid 1 and Kid 2? I hope they're enjoying the new city and settling in well. Have they found a new swim team to join? [2 sentences]

This part is phrased as a question, unlike Step 1 which most of the time you're expressing as a statement.

3. Share your situation or your F.I.L (if you're looking for a job) or share a thought or an invitation to reconnect (if you're doing network maintenance).

This is the trickiest step if you're looking for a job.

If you're not immediately looking for something, here is the place to ask for a reconnect call, or just congratulate them or share some thoughts and impressions from something they've posted recently, or mention that you may have run across someone they should connect with because it's in their line of work.

If you're looking for a job, please read this three times until it sinks in:

Don't ever, ever, ever complain in your reach out message.

Use your therapist or your support network to work through any issues of hurt, disappointment or resentment that may have arisen as part of losing your job, which is completely normal. It's very easy to feel victimized or wronged when you lose your livelihood, especially since the words associated with that event - "severance", "layoff" - really play into that mental image.

I know how it feels. I've been there. I've played the victim role in the past - it has felt satisfying in the short term to point a finger and have someone to blame for my situation.

But I've learned that the short-term satisfaction of blaming someone else for my misfortune has a big cost in the long run.

I ended up bringing baggage in the shape of resentment and victim mindset to my next job, which placed me at a lower level with a lower pay than I could have gotten coming out of the prior role.

So the best way to move forward without that baggage that will drag your confidence down is to process your feelings and trauma in a safe space, so you don't bring in those bottled up and repressed feelings with you to reach out messages and interviews.

Bursting into tears during interviews is not uncommon - I've seen it several times when people haven't resolved some feelings of hurt or resentment, but tried to bottle them up.

Your networking and interview conversations set the blueprint for your future. So you need to process any feelings of trauma separately and keep them from bursting into those conversations.

You want to appear confident, unflappable and ready for action, regardless of what happened. That's the type of person companies are looking to hire when they have a larger pool of talent to choose from - not the person who's scared, panicked and desperate for any job.

Example:

Things are generally well on my end, I'm enjoying the Holidays. I was part of a layoff at Company X and I'm in the market, looking for [insert your F.I.L.] [2 sentences].

F.I.L. stands for one Function, one Industry and one Level. For more on why having just one F.I.L is critical, see the last article here .

4. Ask for a follow-up action or request.

Scope down your request as much as possible, so the person can say yes.

If you're not looking for a job:

If you're connecting with this person because you have an idea or a connection for them, you can offer a bigger time commitment to catch up - say 30 minutes or even an hour. Or you can offer to meet them up for lunch or coffee.

The quality of in-person meetings beats online chats, but you get to ask for that ONLY if what you are bringing to the person is valuable to them and more important than the help you're asking for yourself.

If you're looking for a job:

If you're looking for a job and your main request is "help me identify an opportunity that matches what I'm looking for or connect me with someone who may be able to help", then you are in the asking position, so you get to limit the time commitment of your request.

The ideal request is to ask them for a 15 min connect call.

Fifteen minutes is the shortest slice of time that a person may put on the calendar. You'll be surprised how much can get done in 15 minutes.

Don't give them your scheduling link - that's presumptuous and makes it about "your schedule", which elevates your importance relative to their time and may rub them the wrong way. Always ask for them to pick a time that works and then make it work on your end. Make it super easy for them to say yes.

Your objective for the 15 min connect call

Your objective for the call is simple - to reconnect with the person, so you're top of mind for them as they go through their work and life over the next few days and weeks.

You're not looking to update them on the blow-by-blow sob story of your work situation, nor are you looking for them to immediately refer you to a specific job opening. The latter may happen but that will be a nice bonus to the call.

Your main objective is for the person to have a clear and brief picture of the FIL you're looking for and for you to be top of mind in the background of their everyday activity.

90% of the results of your networking will come AFTER the 15 min reconnect calls. Those will come in the form of ideas and "connect the dots" aha moments that your connection may have over the following few weeks and months.

Maybe they'll come across someone who mentions they're looking for a person with your FIL. Maybe they'll see a job opening, maybe they'll read about a company that's growing and that's a fit for you and they know the founder and are happy to connect you.

Example:

I'm also happy to jump on a 15 min call. It would be great to reconnect and catch up face-to-face. Let me know what may work in the coming weeks and I look forward to reconnecting! [2-3 sentences]

If they say no, downgrade your request to a follow up to your message where you ask them if they know of any opportunities that match your FIL or if there's anyone else that you should talk to (and in a second follow-up, ask them to introduce you to that person).

If you have identified someone that they're connected to on LinkedIn, ask for an introduction to that person if they refuse a 15 min call. If they do agree to a call, save any requests for in-person.

Once you get on the call, follow this framework for the 15 min call

1. Show up joyfully and be happy to reconnect with them.

Make sure you're genuinely excited to reconnect with this person. They'll feel if you're being fake.

2. Start by asking them about themselves and LISTENING.

Prompt them to go first with an update, listen and reflect what's going on with them. Having someone to listen to you, hear you out and be happy for you is a rare gift in the workplace, so they'll really appreciate it.

Do NOT start with your own story. Wait.

3. The vast majority of people, after they've told you about themselves, will turn it around and ask you what's going on with you.

This is where you give a BRIEF and UPBEAT update that ends with a prompt for ideas.

Example:

"I worked at this company. I was part of a layoff. Super excited to find another opportunity in F.I.L. Do you have any ideas?"

4. At the end, ask: "Who else should I talk to?"

This is super important. We want to use our strongest connections as "hubs" in a hub-and-spoke networking model.

The best introductions are done through referrals, so never miss an opportunity to ask for a warm introduction to someone relevant to your F.I.L.

And then ask them to do a three way email or message. You can even offer to send them a blurb about your F.I.L. (see the first article where we introduce the F.I.L. model), so all they have to do is copy and paste that into an introduction message.

5. Last but not least, send them a quick follow-up message.

Thank them for their time and share with them how excited you were to reconnect and how valuable you found their perspective. And then remind them of the next steps that you agreed on and send any appropriate follow up materials (like your blurb for an introduction to someone else, your resume, LinkedIn profile, portfolio, etc.)