Are you constantly taking work worries home?

Do you find that-

* you’re still checking emails, right up to going to sleep?

* family time ‘gets in the way’ and you feel guilty for this?

* it’s so hard to relax as there’s so much going on in your mind?

* even in your sleep, you seem to be going over the day’s worries?

And the impact...

* resentment towards work - and also to your family

* strained relationships at home as you know you’re not fully present with loved ones

* exhaustion - doing a day’s work in your sleep means you never wake feeling fully refreshed

* sense of failure - everyone else seems to manage so much better...

* social life... huh?! What’s that? Drowning your thoughts in a bottle occasionally, listening to happy people who have time for this?!

This was me two years ago...

The good news is that you can overcome this and enjoy your family, sleep, friends and even work too!!

Read on for my observations about how my mind has made this all so much harder than it needs to be!!

constantly checking emails...

Practical tip first - switch off the notifications - you know, the banner that appears on your home screen, the sound that alerts you that there's yet another one there AND the badge that comes up with those ever-increasing numbers on the email icon.

Now put your phone to one side and notice what happens... yes, you'll get the urge to check but a lot less and with less urgency than when it pings to catch your attention. Gradually, over time, you may learn NOT to check for an evening (trust me - it's worked for everyone I've worked with so far!!)

impact - did anyone die? (please say no!! NB If you're a surgeon on call - stop reading now!!)

What was the (positive hopefully) impact on family time? Were you able to actually spend time without leaping out of your seat? Could you focus on a conversation without being drawn to that pinging noise? Did you manage to spend an evening with your loved ones and enjoy their personalities and conversation?

And could you relax more as the lack of a ping meant no urgent feeling brewed up inside you? (you know - that 'I must check in case it's something important/because I'm curious now it's come to my attention!' feeling)

INSIGHT > I add such unnecessary pressure to myself by being a slave to what I think is the emails - it's really my habitual behaviour and expectations on myself.

Family time gets in the way...

Ask yourself this - Why do you go to work?

Create a quick list - somewhere in this, I imagine will be one or more of the following -

* to provide what's needed for my family

* to be able to afford to enjoy more great things in life

* to model a positive working attitude to my children

* to be able to relax at the end of the day and know that I've contributed to my world

So, are you achieving this? If you're neglecting family time, what are you working for? What are you modelling...?

INSIGHT >I've got this turned on it's head! I'm working to be able to enjoy my family time and I'm stopping myself from doing just that - family doesn't get in the way of work - I'm making work get in the way of family!

So much going on in your mind...?

Picture a shopping bag (one client preffered a basket - I'm easy - you choose!)

Yours is full... and you don't need any of the shopping that's in there until Monday (it's Friday by the way...)... Does it make sense to carry it around all weekend? NO. Does that automatically mean you mentally park it in the dining room out of the way? NO

We unconsciously carry so much shopping around and it's only when you see this - look in the bag and actually see it all, that you've got the chance of being able to take it out and lighten the load. When we notice, we can take it out for now - it's still there on the table, but we don't need to deal with it now (it'll wait until Monday!)

That's all fine and well, but it's still there...!

Ask yourself - can I do anything about this just now? (sadly, with the delights of technology, often the answer to this is yes as we are more and more able to work remotely...) Not only CAN I, but am I being paid to focus on this just now? And would I be likely to apply my best thinking to this at this moment in time?

The 'NOs' should be bouncing round your head now and there's a temptation to avoid thinking, find distractions, change our thinking... good luck with all that - I've never found it to be helpful! As it's still there - on the dining room table, waiting for you to pick it up...

INSIGHT > as we notice that we're unconsciously carrying round Monday's shopping all weekend, it moves to a conscious decision - and you can mentally park it. Sound too simple?! Try it!! Obviously, it's not an instant fix - there's a reason why coaches suggest working together for a period of time. It doesn't instantly move from subconscious to conscious - but noticing is key and it will reduce the weight of the bag each time.

Even in your sleep you seem to be going over the day's worries...

Similar to the last point - can I do anything now? NO.

Can I make the thoughts go away? NO

Oh yeah - you can try meditation, sex, reading a book, focusing on something else... but it'll come back when you relax... sound familiar?

SO STOP TRYING!

Notice your thoughts - allow your thoughts - and at the same time, recognise that they're just thoughts that you can do NOTHING about at the moment.

Notice that, when you give yourself permission to allow thoughts, there's less pressure on you. You're no longer trying to control the thoughts; you're no longer giving them power by fighting them... and you can relax and let them be - your breathing will ease, heartrate settle and sleep will come.

Try it - and let me know :-)

And if this resonates, maybe consider working with a coach as, once you get this, you notice more quickly, your life's a calmer, more peaceful place and you'll be more successful in everything you are - well worth the short term financial investment! (in my opinion as I invested in me and I'm sleeping like a baby!)

Have a restful weekend and thank you for reading this

Sam Munslow

Transformational Coach who sleeps well and enjoys family time without shopping getting in the way!