It's safe to presume that many people have heard the old saying "to assume makes an ass out of you and me." Is it really applicable and why don't we have a cute saying regarding the familial word "presume?"

It's common in sales and negotiating for all parties to make a series of presumptions and assumptions during the sales/negotiation process. Human beings are keen to correct other human beings. We're hard-wired that way. If you assume incorrectly someone will inevitably enjoy correcting you. I believe that making assumptions and presumptions is advantageous in any negotiation. Especially if my counterpart is eager to correct me, I don't shy away from disclosing my assumptions/presumptions.

The difference between assume and presume is so subtle that many people will unknowingly swap the words regardless of how they're used. People are under the guise that making an assumption is an adverse action. Yet, there's not a negative reaction when making a presumption.

Assume; suppose to be the case, without proof

It's important to note that we're lacking proof when we assume. A lack of proof shouldn't stop you from making an assumption. It boils down to how you employ the assumption rather than simply making one. For example, when negotiating, toss out an assumption in the form of a label, "it sounds like the price is too high for you" or "it looks like you're worried about missing a deadline." Making an assumption will give your counterpart the opportunity to correct you or agree with you. Either way, you get more information. What you can't do is assume in such a negative way that it forces people to go on the defensive. Something outside of a label like "you've been stealing" is so direct and without any proof makes you come off like an aggressive ass. Couple that with the possibility that you're acting on behalf of another party and you're "making an ass out of you and me."

Presume; suppose that something is the case on the basis of probability

As you can see the definitions are closely worded. The difference is the "basis of probability." Do you have any proof that causes you to cast a presumption? Here's an example, on nearly every Friday night of my adult life I have enjoyed pizza for dinner. My wife can safely make a presumption that I will want to eat pizza again this Friday. The basis, of course, is the fact that more often than not we've eaten pizza on Friday nights in the past. She can presume that I will want pizza again and instead of asking what we should eat for dinner, she might ask where we should order pizza from this week. If she presumed incorrectly, I'm not going to be mad. She made her presumption based on past experiences. There was in fact, foundational proof that led her to a conclusion.

The difference is proof. If you have proof, historical data, past experiences, anything that delivers greater probability to the supposed outcome then you're making a presumption. If you're wrong, you will be able to defend your presumption with supporting proof. If you have zero proof, you're making an assumption and if it's not phrased politely and appropriately then you're making an ass out of you and me.

I support making both assumptions and presumptions. Make them, and use them to build better communication skills. Be mindful of how you use them. If you use them both correctly, you'll be a strong negotiator and a better communicator. Words are powerful and they can impact the outcome of your interactions, negotiations, conversations, and how will people perceive you in the future. Choosing the correct words is in our best interest at all times.

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