In today's bustling, tech-saturated society one can become easily overwhelmed with the activity in one's little universe and forget that there are millions of other similar universes cycling forward at the same time, with every person being the central protagonist of their own world. When this happens, compassion and empathy give way to anxiety and toxicity and hamper progress and flourishing at every level of work and life.

Setting Your Burden Aside

It's critical to keep oneself in check and connected to the community through philanthropic outreach. For instance, over the summer months my commitments to Philo4Thought and other organizations is very minimal, which gives me time to check in with my local church and community centers to see what they need to prep for the Fall semester when they also have high demand for things. I check in with neighborhood vendors who have known me my entire life and helped my family at times we needed a hand to bring them new business and just to check in when my neighborhood family. It's not particularly groundbreaking activity, but a simple act of kindness to pull me away from work-life stressors. It's what allows me to build situational awareness skills, empathy and the much-needed patience an educator and coach needs to keep a packed semester is running full throttle.

Recognizing the Burden of Others

I walked into one spot and the greeter was on the phone with someone who was complaining about the pronunciation of a name not being precisely correct. Where the name should have been pronounced with a "Y" (like the Greek "Ioanna"), it was pronounced with a "J" (like the American "Joe"). While that doesn't seem like an enormous detail, the greeter was clearly stressed by the fact that this major donor was upset, which would possibly impact future donations and apologized repeatedly and profusely, promising to request the correction in the immediate future. When she got off the phone she looked like she might cry from the stress.

"Take a moment. Deep breath. I'm not in a rush."

She smiled. "Thank you." Without giving names or too much detail, I learned that the person complaining wanted her mother's name stated in a service (presumably a memorial).

I nodded. While it seems irrational for the caller to complain about a "Y"/"J" mix-up, it's important to recognize that this would have been one of the small things she could manage or control in the face of a major time of overwhelming challenge -- the illness or death of her mother. "Just pray for her to be strong. She probably needed this moment because she's carrying a heavy burden."

The greeter then also nodded, her stress dissipating. "It's true. I didn't think about it that way."

Kindness & Empathy

In order to learn to be kind to others, we need to be kind to oneself.

Being kind to oneself doesn't mean being delusional and glossing over one's reality. Rather, it is the ability to see oneself in the harsh and realistic light and still love every part of oneself, whatever the gaps and glitches are. In loving oneself one learns critical skills for personal growth, which include appreciation, motivation, inquiry, critical thinking, prioritization and more. Most importantly, in taking the time to love and understand oneself, one then knows the type of friends and connections one wishes to make in social and professional circles.

Once individuals masters this step for themselves they can then apply it to getting to know, understand, empathize and offer kindness to others. From early childhood this seems like a fairly simple and organic process -- and it is! As a person moves forward from the safety of their home setting to the gradually expanding encounters of different people and experiences beyond home, the person develops phobias and gains a sense of restricted expectations, criticisms and toxicity that, unfortunately for some, can infiltrate to the point of damaging the person's sense of self worth, which then impacts their future social, academic and professional interactions.

Call to Action

To those who are fairly comfortable in knowing who they are and what they bring to the world, I ask this one thing: If you see someone who is stressed to a halt, stop a moment to offer them a kind word. It goes a long way... more than you may ever know.

Simple? Yes, it is.

Need a Mentor or Coach?

Friendly reminder that Philo4Thought has a combination of Concierge Life/Career Coaches along with 100+ Peer Mentors across the disciplines who are available to serve the community. Feel free to learn more by visiting www.philo4thought.org, by emailing info@philo4thought.org, or of course by IM-ing me here on LinkedIn!