On August 4th, 2014, my beach house burned down. We had a wood-burning fireplace and the chimney caught fire. A spark landed on the cedar shake shingle roof and it went up like kindling. My kids were in bed when I heard the enormous sound of the fire ignite. I’d never heard anything like it. We escaped the house in our pajamas, somehow with my purse and car keys (I still don’t remember moving my car out of our driveway, so the fire fighters could tackle the fire).

As we stood in the neighbor’s driveway, we watched the firefighters work on our house. About two hours in, a police car stopped and asked who we were. I hadn’t even thought of asking for help! I was too stunned by what was happening to even think that far. But I had my two boys with me, we were freezing, sad, and shell-shocked. The police officer called his brother, who was the night manager of a local hotel and got us a room. After showering off the smoke smell, using hotel toothbrushes, and crawling in bed, I posted on social media that I was grateful we’d gotten out of the house on time. Then I went to sleep.

By 6:00 am my friends and colleagues were already on top of it. Friends, who are more like family, were already driving the 2 hours to get to us. They stopped at a store on the way to bring us necessities – like clothes, underwear, and toiletries. I told them not to come, that we’d be okay, we’d manage. They came anyway. Another friend just showed up, without pause or hesitation, the day I had to catalog the ruins of the house with the insurance company. She took the boys out, she made dinner, she sat with me while I cried my eyes out that evening.

Other friends called, offering support, offering the use of their homes for us, wanting to help. We turned down most offers. Why? Because asking for and accepting help was something I was not good at. I feared that it made me look weak.

My upbringing ingrained many things in me but asking for help was not one of them. At least that's how I interpreted my parent’s guidance anyway. I focused on being confident, strong, and independent, I assumed that the opposite traits would be a bad thing.

For so many of us, the idea of asking for help meant we were dependent, weak, uncertain or unsure of what do to. It meant we were not smart enough, good enough or worthy enough. Instead of asking for support, we try to do everything ourselves. We do whatever it takes to get the job done on our own, and in the end, we feel a sense of accomplishment for achieving the feat that we once thought impossible.

As with my personal life, asking for help with my business has been anything but easy. But I’d like to think I’m getting better! What I’ve learned in the last 23 years of running this firm is that there is strength in being vulnerable, in being human. Leaders who are conscious and interested in continuous personal and professional growth, and who courageously ask for and openly receive support are stronger.

Here’s why I believe this is true:

1. When you ask for help, you empower others. It creates opportunity for both you and the people who are helping you.
2. You are trusting in other people, which strengthens trust. It’s a benefit in building a culture that cultivates teamwork and alternate ideas.
3. When you ask for help, you gain different and varying insights. We all know what we know, based on our experiences. By trusting others to help, you’re gaining fresh ideas and new perspectives.
4. You’re building up the people around you. Asking for help is a way to show people that you trust their ideas, feel competent in their skills, and appreciate their advice. It’s validating to be asked to help, to contribute to a greater good.

Asking for help isn’t easy for me – it still makes me feel weak, initially. But it also makes me stronger, more successful, and more confident.

There is strength in vulnerability.

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