Where You Do Find Your Sense Of Belonging?

“Men go abroad to wonder at the heights of mountains, at the huge waves of the sea, at the long courses of the rivers, at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motions of the stars, and they pass by themselves without wondering.” — St. Augustine

In the quest to discover one’s potential, many people wander aimlessly these days, dazed by a sense of confusion. Self-help books line the shelves of bookstores, proclaiming the latest movement or program to heal you in thirty days. Self-help groupies seek solace in New Age wisdom to discover what is contained within; the source of all wisdom. I often wonder how many people actually follow through with the advice echoed within a self-help book, a blog article or seminar. Given we live in what is the most prosperous period in the world’s history, why have we lost our sense of self? This confusion has given rise to a popular meme now used throughout the Western world known as first world problems.

I affirm our maladies may be attributed to straying from our life’s purpose; while succumbing to external influences. The young are inundated with a surplus of information nowadays, fuelled by technological advances that allow us to stay connected via social media. Yet, our connections are nothing more than empty posters on an electronic billboard that remind us we belong. And yet, we have an inner longing for social acceptance. It is wired into our DNA to be a part of a tribe. How about you? Where you do find your sense of belonging? Through family, friends, creative pursuits or something else? The following points are what I consider the quintessential qualities for reconnecting with your essential self.

Improve Yourself First And The Rest Will Fall Into Place

“There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that’s your own self.” — Aldous Huxley

1. Accept Yourself As You Are:

Complete acceptance of oneself entails acknowledgement of your wholeness, inclusive of your imperfections, foibles and insecurities. You cannot disown unfavourable aspects of yourself and highlight positive qualities. This might be deemed as treading a fine line toward narcissism.

2. Know Yourself:

This does not entail knowing your likes or dislikes. Instead, it is a call to discover the true essence of your higher self. For example, who is the real you? What are your real motivations? What kindles your soul? What are your passions? What makes you come alive? Who are you if your titles, job or achievements are stripped away?

3. Discard the False Self:

Many people identify with a false sense of self; an image of who they think they are. It is believed the mind creates a false persona epitomised by the ego to keep it alive. Life events (tragedy or loss) may disrupt this image and one must re-examine their sense of self since the illusory shadow is shattered.

4. Don’t Identify With Thoughts:

I’ve written about not identifying with your thoughts in recent times. This has to do with not succumbing to the mindless chatter of our inner talk. In other words, don’t allow your thoughts to give you a false impression of your real self. Thoughts come and go, yet the essence of who you are is unchanging and authentic. Connect with that part of your nature.

5. Transform Your Addictions:

Many people suffer from controlling addictions to things, situations, or people. Addictions extend to habitual thoughts, which occupy valuable space in the mind and body. They deprive you of energy and disconnect you from your precious self. Therefore, let go of that which does not serve you; drop it like a hot piece of coal if it no longer contributes to the person you wish to become. How will you know? Ask yourself: Will this person, place, or condition really matter to me when I am the person I wish to be? If not, release it and allow what needs to fill its void to enter your life.

6. Stop Seeking Validation:

Let go of the need to prove yourself to others. You don’t need validation from others to prove your worthiness; even from loved ones. No one or nothing can offer you the authentication you long for, other than yourself. True validation comes from the core of your being. It involves truly knowing you are valuable to the degree that you laugh if someone tries to convince you otherwise.

7. Connect With Your Heart And Mind:

In my book The Power to Navigate Life , I titled a chapter Connect With Your Heart And Mind, since I believe many of us live life from the level of the mind. We get stuck in left brain logic, since we are taught to reason the world through logic alone. It is shown in experiments that the heart’s electrical impulse is 40 to 60 times greater than the brain. The heart often feels or intuits things well before the brain has time to make sense of it.

8. Accept The Perfection Of Life:

Many people try to change circumstances in their reality when life is not going according to plan. The actual cause of your difficulties is always found within. Your level of consciousness has not caught up with the person you need to be to overcome the problem. As you tend to your inner landscape, your external reality harmonises with your inner world. As the Hermetic aphorism states: “As within, so without.” What you focus on internally and believe with all your heart and mind must come into existence.

9. Focus on Yourself First:

Tend to your inner world and nurture it through self-examination and introspection. When things go wrong in life, remaining peaceful and safe is reassuring. It is akin to a ship in stormy weather; nothing can destabilise it when it has a strong hull. It effortlessly floats through troubled waters, knowing in due course it will find refuge in a safe harbour. It is the same idea echoed by flight attendants who remind you to put the oxygen mask on yourself first in the event of an emergency.

10. Relationships Are Vital Lessons:

What we dislike in others is what we disapprove of in ourselves. So, at a deeper level, your difficult relationships are a call to heal parts of yourself which you are at war with. Embrace the lesson by allowing painful memories to move through you without becoming invested in destructive emotions. If you weren’t at war with that part of yourself, you wouldn’t be triggered by that aspect of that person you find offensive. In other words, what you heal within heals outside of you.

11. Connect With Purpose:

Your purpose may or may not be tied to your career. Your purpose is your life’s calling; your spiritual truth. It is the deeper question which we beckon of ourselves: why am I here on Earth? Why was I born during this period in time in the Earth’s history and what have I come here to become? You discover your purpose by ‘doing’ not by waiting around for it to land in your lap. Therefore, pursue that which fuels your soul and your purpose will gradually be made known to you. Purpose requires momentum, hard work, commitment, and sacrifice. It is my experience coaching people and audience members over the years that people who are ‘lost’ disconnect with their purpose.