Last week I had my first big heated exchange with my 21-year-old daughter. I am an Ubuntuist, and these are some techniques I used: I took slow deep breaths to remind myself of our shared humanity, interconnectedness and how important she is to me. This helped me stay grounded and calm. Empathy: Before responding, I took a brief pause to empathize with her perspective asking myself, "How would I feel in her shoes?" This calmed our heated emotions. Gesture of unity: During the discussion, I kept my hand on my heart to symbolize unity and connection, our common bond and mutual respect. Listening: I listened actively and repeated what she said to signal understanding- "What I hear you saying is..." as a sign of respect and understanding.

Whilst I used to shout and scream along with everyone else I find that taking a deep breath before speaking in a calm voice often diffuses the situation Also listening rather than reacting allows others to let of steam and then you can have your say

Walk away and come back later after everyone cooled off. If you are forced to stay in the same room you may regret saying something you didn't mean.

An example would be to ask to revisit the conversation at a later date. Also, removing yourself from a situation and/or conversation that isn’t serving you. You can always say “Excuse me I need a minute, or I need to get some fresh air”.

Definitely stepping away after you've explained your boundary clearly, what you need and why. Having two (or more) highly charged people who are not in the healthiest headspace can make things worse. Hurtful things, untrue things etc are said and the consequences of those words could be felt for a long time, if there is no resolution.

I think focusing on the objective of the family discussion brings perspective to the conversation. It enables to bring in the required context, diplomacy, listening and boundaries into the discussion. By sticking to the objective, any interruptions, accusations or deliberate snubs can also more effectively handled by the communication of facts in a composed and coherent manner. At the same time, if the discussion begins to lose civility and ignores respectful boundaries then it is time to excuse and take a break before resuming the discussion.

If a family discussion has heated up it’s best to take a break . Continuing in that situation might break hearts and create a distance amongst family members. As is said that nothing is clear if the water is boiling, so declare a break if the discussions are getting hot. Ask all to meet back again and then continue. This little break might bring a shift in the perspective of each member , it will be a breather between the thoughts that are connected during the discussion. This is a tried and tested formula. It consumes a bit of time but then we maintain respect and love for each other . It becomes a healthy discussion instead of a heated discussion which could lead to breaking up families at times .Understand the Power of Break it’s a need.