Learn how to deal with challenging feedback situations by understanding the reasons, choosing the right time and place, using the right tone and language, inviting dialogue and feedback, and following up and follow through.

The time and place where you share feedback, the tone of your voice and the words you choose are important, but not anywhere near as important as the strength of your relationship with the employee youâre giving feedback to. We need to tell the truth about this aspect of leadership: building trusting relationships with your employees far outweighs your use of any particular management technique. In fact, without trust underpinning them all the management âbest practicesâ in the world wonât do you any good. When the employees on your team trust you, theyâll say, âHow did I do in that presentation?â Theyâll ask for your feedback. Thatâs what you want.

How do you handle feedback resistance or backlash from the recipients?

Feedback is a vital tool for learning and improvement, but not everyone welcomes it with open arms. Some people may react defensively, angrily, or dismissively to your constructive feedback, making it hard to have a productive conversation. How do you handle feedback resistance or backlash from the recipients? Here are some tips to help you deal with challenging feedback situations.

1 Understand the reasons

Before you jump to conclusions or get frustrated, try to understand why the recipient is resisting or rejecting your feedback. They may have different expectations, values, or goals than you, or they may feel insecure, threatened, or misunderstood. They may also have a different perception of their own performance, or they may have received conflicting or inconsistent feedback from others. By empathizing with their perspective, you can avoid taking their response personally and show them that you care about their feelings and needs.

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Liz Ryan

Coach and creator. CEO and Founder, Human Workplace. Author, Reinvention Roadmap; Red-Blooded HR; and Righteous Recruiting. LinkedIn Top Voice.
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I donâ€™t blame managers for struggling with the process of sharing feedback with employees. Many managers donâ€™t get any training in this critically important and sensitive area. In general, when we get feedback we are likely to respond defensively at first. Weâ€™re not used to people telling us to do something differently. It might sting. Employees are no different. They may not immediately respond positively or even neutrally to your feedback. The better your relationship with an employee, the more they will except an even welcome your feedback. Thatâ€™s why the most important thing you can do to help employees accept your input is to take the time to cultivate trusting relationships with them.

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2 Choose the right time and place

Timing and setting can make a big difference in how your feedback is received and processed. If you give feedback when the recipient is busy, stressed, or distracted, they may not be ready or willing to listen. If you give feedback in front of others, they may feel embarrassed, attacked, or defensive. To avoid these pitfalls, choose a time and place that is convenient, comfortable, and private for both of you. Ask for their permission and availability, and avoid interruptions and distractions.

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Liz Ryan

Coach and creator. CEO and Founder, Human Workplace. Author, Reinvention Roadmap; Red-Blooded HR; and Righteous Recruiting. LinkedIn Top Voice.
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The time and place where you share feedback, the tone of your voice and the words you choose are important, but not anywhere near as important as the strength of your relationship with the employee youâ€™re giving feedback to. We need to tell the truth about this aspect of leadership: building trusting relationships with your employees far outweighs your use of any particular management technique. In fact, without trust underpinning them all the management â€œbest practicesâ€ in the world wonâ€™t do you any good. When the employees on your team trust you, theyâ€™ll say, â€œHow did I do in that presentation?â€ Theyâ€™ll ask for your feedback. Thatâ€™s what you want.

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Valerie P.

Certified Mentor @ SCORE Mentors | MBA, DEI Leader, Certified Fitness Coach and Leader
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An example would be to let the employee know what specifically they are doing well at and let them know they could be so much better if they were to add XYZ skill

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3 Use the right tone and language

The way you deliver your feedback can have a big impact on how it is received. To ensure your recipient doesn't feel offended, hurt, or angry, be respectful, supportive, and positive. Speak about their strengths and potential, and avoid assumptions and judgments. Additionally, make sure your feedback is specific, clear, and factual with concrete examples, data, and observations. Be relevant by aligning it with the recipient's goals, needs, and interests. Provide actionable suggestions and recommendations that can help them improve. Don't forget to also acknowledge their efforts and challenges.

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4 Invite dialogue and feedback

Feedback should not be a one-way street, but a two-way dialogue. Instead of imposing your feedback on the recipient, invite them to share their thoughts, feelings, and questions. Listen actively and attentively, and show that you value their input and perspective. Ask open-ended questions that encourage them to reflect, explain, and clarify. Avoid arguing, interrupting, or dismissing their feedback. Seek to understand their point of view, and acknowledge any gaps, disagreements, or misunderstandings.

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5 Follow up and follow through

Feedback is not a one-time event, but an ongoing process. To handle feedback resistance or backlash effectively, you need to follow up and follow through with the recipient. Follow up by checking in with them regularly, offering support and guidance, and monitoring their progress and performance. Follow through by providing consistent and timely feedback, recognizing and rewarding their improvements, and addressing any issues or concerns. By following up and following through, you can build trust, rapport, and motivation with the recipient, and help them overcome their resistance or backlash to your feedback.

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6 Hereâ€™s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that donâ€™t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?

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Tienchai Wirojsaksaree

Full-stack Software Engineer @ Ample, 9+ years at Meta/Facebook
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Good write up! Here are a few things that I find useful in the past, please feel free to incorporate: 1. Create the culture of feedback - Feedback is a Gift: If everyone view feedback as a constructive addition to their growth, it will be easier for the feedback to land. 2. Take Crucial Conversations course/book: https://www.amazon.com/Crucial-Conversations-Talking-Stakes-Second/dp/1469266822 3. Deliver the feedback in-person if possible. Prefer in-person or VC conversation, rather than async feedback. 4. Deliver the feedback to the person directly first, then share the same feedback to their manager too. See if the manager agrees with the feedback, if so, it will greatly help the feedback to land successfully.

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Tienchai Wirojsaksaree

Full-stack Software Engineer @ Ample, 9+ years at Meta/Facebook
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Oh - just found out that this article was written by AI. I find that the article keep revisiting the same concept in different sections. It may be better for each section to talk about one concept instead. This is to give a broader knowledge and more techniques to the readers.

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How do you handle feedback resistance or backlash from the recipients?

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1 Understand the reasons

2 Choose the right time and place

3 Use the right tone and language

4 Invite dialogue and feedback

5 Follow up and follow through

6 Hereâ€™s what else to consider

Constructive Feedback

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