1 Understand the barriers

The first step is to understand why the person is not listening to your feedback. There may be different reasons, such as lack of trust, fear of failure, low self-esteem, or conflicting goals. Try to empathize with their perspective and identify the root cause of their resistance. You can also ask them open-ended questions to explore their thoughts and feelings, such as "How do you see this situation?" or "What are you hoping to achieve?"

2 Choose the right time and place

The second step is to choose the right time and place to give your feedback. Timing is important, as you want to avoid interrupting their work, catching them off guard, or adding to their stress. Ideally, you should schedule a meeting in advance and let them know the purpose and agenda. Place is also important, as you want to create a comfortable and private environment where they can focus and feel respected. Avoid giving feedback in public, over email, or in front of others.

3 Use a feedback model

The third step is to use a feedback model to structure your message and make it clear and constructive. A feedback model is a framework that helps you organize your feedback into specific, actionable, and relevant points. There are many feedback models you can use, such as the SBI model (Situation, Behavior, Impact), the STAR model (Situation, Task, Action, Result), or the COIN model (Context, Observation, Impact, Next steps). Choose the one that suits your situation and goal, and practice using it before the meeting.

4 Focus on the positive

The fourth step is to focus on the positive aspects of the person's performance and behavior, as well as the areas for improvement. People are more likely to listen and accept feedback if they feel appreciated and valued. Start by expressing your appreciation for their work and acknowledging their strengths and achievements. Then, provide your feedback in a positive and supportive way, using words like "I suggest", "I recommend", or "You could try". Avoid using words like "You should", "You must", or "You failed". Also, balance your feedback with praise and encouragement, and avoid giving too much or too little feedback.

5 Listen and engage

The fifth step is to listen and engage with the person's response and reaction to your feedback. Give them time and space to process your feedback and ask questions or share their concerns. Listen actively and attentively, without interrupting or judging. Show that you respect their opinion and perspective, even if you disagree. Try to understand their point of view and find common ground. You can also ask them for feedback on your feedback, such as "How did you find this feedback?" or "What did you think of this feedback?"

6 Follow up and support

The sixth step is to follow up and support the person after giving your feedback. Feedback is not a one-time event, but a continuous process of learning and improvement. You need to monitor their progress and provide ongoing guidance and feedback. You can also offer your help and resources, such as coaching, mentoring, or training. Remember to celebrate their achievements and recognize their efforts. By following up and supporting them, you can show that you care about their success and growth, and build a trusting and constructive relationship.